Happiness seems to be the essence of life for almost anyone – if we are not driven by an intrinsic need to be happy, then what are we driven by? Perhaps a constant need for recognition and validation? Success to belittle those that hurt us? Of the many ways conviction can be fueled, happiness – to be truly content with your actions and to pursue a goal that pertains to your happiness and those around you – is the best reason to do anything.
There is a limit to how happy we need to be and there is a limit to what happiness can achieve. Too much of a good thing becomes a dreadful thing after all and forcing yourself to feign happiness is just as damaging as being stuck in a deep depression.
When it comes to addiction recovery, happiness is something people can struggle with early in recovery. Between relapses, lost or broken relationships, wasted chances, and a million other things that draw upon the urge to use again being happy with life – with yourself and with how things are – can be challenging. This is understandable, going on about gratitude and forgiveness can be especially challenging in the setting of addiction recovery. Addiction, while in one’s disease, if anything is rather unforgiving and excels at making us feel bad or worse about ourselves over time until we surrender and choose recovery.
Yet to beat an addiction, you must do more than just show up to meetings, force yourself to stay clean, and wait for some cue from the universe to tell you you’re finally “sober.” There are plenty of dry drunks out there, who suffer from being miserable despite their sobriety because even though they have given up drinking, they have not found true happiness.
Happiness is more than sobriety. It is more than quitting an addiction. If you are happy, one thing is for sure – you are a lot less likely to go back to your disease.
Happy About Others, Happy About Yourself
It is clear that being content is important in recovery – you are trying to get to a point in life where you no longer feel the emotional or psychological need to use, to more easily resist any other temptation – but it is about more than just being content, or happy, with yourself and your situation in life. Being a happier person means being more positive in general – it means being more positive about the achievements and joys of others, and it means being more positive about things that may not necessarily affect you at all.
This can be a lot of hard work at first, especially for someone who is not at all used to seeing their glass as more than half-empty. If you want to face your addiction, then learning to be kinder and more empathic is part of the deal.
You do not have to become a philanthropist, but taking a moment to care about others and consider what you might be able to do for them to make them feel a little better has direct benefits for your own psyche – research has shown that one of the best ways to promote happiness is by simply being a source of happiness.
It Is Not All There Is
We cannot be happy all of the time, and no one should expect us to be. Some of us also cannot be kind all of the time, and if you just happen to be a bit grumbly and pessimistic at your core, that does not mean every chance towards recovery is shattered – or that you must forcibly rehabilitate yourself towards becoming “nice.”
Addiction recovery, just like addiction itself, works for everyone. We all must make it work in our own way. This post is meant to put you on a journey to consider what it is you need to be happy with yourself. It is not meant to be a mandate to force you to be happy and optimistic in every instance of your life.
It is okay to be sad and periodically feel down. These feelings happen. Remember, feelings are usually temporary and are not facts. They are opportunities for us to prove that we are adamant about wanting to be better, opportunities to get back to working the steps or going to therapy or focusing on recovery in our way, to show our resolve.
Happiness is Hard Work
It is not easy to be happy. It is something you must choose to be. Most people do not have the luxury of an unnaturally optimistic outlook on life – but they do not need it, either. In the context of treating addiction, the purpose of therapy – both individual therapy and group therapy – is to help patients come to certain conclusions about themselves and to meet a form of resolution in their mind.
Resolution is necessary on the path to recovery. To be unsure, to be standing on shaky ground when confronting the prospect of long-term abstinence, is simply begging for a loss and defeat. The first step to recovery is being sure that you want to get better. Next, you must commit to sobriety, getting back onto the horse even after a relapse. Then, you must look deep within yourself and figure out what it is you are struggling with about yourself. What makes you angry? What drives you to think about using again, and what creates an upset in your mind?
It is these things that must be resolved. Are you unhappy with yourself? Only you can change that. Take dancing lessons, go out with friends, adopt a healthy lifestyle, get a career change, and go back to college. Do anything you feel you need to do to figure out how to love yourself again.
After that, being a little happier will come a little easier. Addiction feeds on self-loathing, on loneliness and discontentment. First, come to terms with who you are and how you feel about yourself and your past, you’ll begin to look favorably upon the future, and with a little practice, you’ll be able to drown out the voice of negativity and self-deprecation from within and replace them with honest affirmations.
No matter how much you practice, you cannot be happy 24/7. The human psyche does not function that way. Yet then again, light is meaningless without the contrast of darkness. When you feel down or worried or just plain sad, this is okay. It is not something to beat yourself up about – it is a feeling you must respect and value just as much as you will come to value joy.