Communication is an important part of developing a healthy relationship. If you discover your relationship isn’t quite what it was in the past, improving your communication may help bring you closer with your partner.
In this article, we’re taking a look at how to fix communication in a relationship.
How to Fix Communication in a Relationship
If you are like many couples, you set a resolution to improve your relationship this year. You want to spend more time having fun and less time arguing. You want more romance, vacations, improved relationships with extended family, financial stability and maybe even a renewal of your vows.
These are all great goals to have as a couple. However, you can’t reach any of these goals without fixing your communication first.
According to research, poor communication is one of the main reasons couples separate.
This may be because communication is the one action important for all characteristics of a relationship. Couples need to communicate about finances, intimacy, schedules, thoughts and feelings. Without communication, you are left wondering and guessing.
You can fix communication in your relationship. But first, you and your partner need to get on the same page when defining communication.
Define Communication Together
You may think of communication as sitting down once a week, one on one, looking each other in the eye, discussing the good and the bad of the day.
Your partner may think of communication as texting every hour on the hour to say something positive, or just say hello.
You won’t be able to truly fix your communication issues until you know what each other expects when it comes to communicating.
When developing your definition of communication together, keep in mind there are at least three styles, written, verbal and non-verbal. Discuss all the ways you communicate or send messages to each other. Failing to do these can send a message also.
The goal in communicating is for each of you to understand the other.
When communicating, one of you is the sender and one is the recipient. In between those is the message. How you each send and receive messages will be different. Learning more about your partner’s preferences will help you fix the communication issues in your relationship.
Think of this, if you were going to give a lecture to English speaking scientists, you wouldn’t deliver that lecture in French, right? You would adapt the way you send a message so that your audience can understand it. The same should be true with your partner.
Understand Your Barriers
Every relationship experience barriers to communication. Every. Single. Relationship. You are not alone in this struggle.
Sure, some couples have more barriers than others, but we all have them. To fix communication in your relationship, you must understand the barriers interfering. Then you can work on eliminating those barriers.
Common barriers include interruptions, communication styles, having a negative attitude, making assumptions, not listening, not showing respect, not validating feelings, and pointing the finger.
Your barriers will differ from other relationships. Be honest when discussing barriers so you will not waste time when you begin communication repairs.
Put in The Time
Reports suggest couples spend two to three hours together each day. Of those few hours, less than 5 minutes is spent one on one. Most of the time couples are watching television, cooking, eating, cleaning, and other things that aren’t considered quality time with your partner.
This lack of quality time makes it impossible to fix communication in your relationship.
One of the first topics you can discuss about communication is how you can spend more time together daily. Communicate about when you can communicate. Each of you can come up with ideas and then pick the ones you both think will work.
This can also lead to great quality time experiences together like going on a road trip, going for walks together, being intimate, or learning a new hobby. Create a couple’s bucket list and start checking it off, making great memories and bringing you closer together.
Hire a Relationship Counselor
Who better to help you fix communication in your relationship than a counselor who specializes in this field? Marriage and family therapists can act as mediators, ensuring you are both heard. He or she can help you get on the same page, create specific goals, and establish steps for you both to take to reach those goals.
Relationship therapy teaches you not only how to communicate more effectively, but also how to end an argument and handle conflict appropriately. Listening skills, trust, respect, honesty and compromise are additional areas that can be improved while in therapy.
Make Communication a Positive Habit
The more you practice something, the more it becomes a habit or an action that becomes part of your routine without you needing to think about it.
Everyone has both positive and negative habits. It’s important your communication habit is a positive one.
A positive communication habit could be to send your partner a text with a compliment at 10am every morning. Or, every night fifteen minutes before going to bed, turn off all electronic devices and have a question and answer period where you take turns learning more about one another.
You may be thinking you have been with your partner for years, what else is there to learn? The answer, plenty. Thoughts and feelings change throughout the years. You will likely be surprised at some of your partner’s answers.
Based on your lifestyle, find positive communication habits that work for your relationship.
In conclusion, fixing communication in a relationship requires that you don’t give up. Also, remember the only person you can change is yourself (your thoughts, feelings and actions). Improving communication in your relationship does not mean helping your partner change or get better.
It means helping you change and get better.
Finally, remember the good, like when you would talk for hours on the phone, soaking up every word your partner would speak. Remember all the times you and your partner communicated effectively. Talk about them, laugh about them, and repeat them.
Do what it takes to fix the communication in your relationship.