All relationships go through ups and downs. Whether you feel like you are growing apart or that your spouse is not growing, it creates division in your relationship. You may also miss the intimacy you once shared, and now, you feel more like roommates than partners.
Other common complaints among couples include financial disagreements, infidelity, roles and responsibilities, and communication being a thing of the past. The only time you communicate now is when you argue. Over time, you feel unappreciated, unloved, and unhappy. You start thinking of the various options to improve your situation, including separation and divorce.
You have likely also thought about marriage counseling, an efficient solution. According to reports, over 90% of marriage counseling recipients report improved relationships and receive the tools they need for dealing with issues.
Below are specific ways marriage counseling can help to save your relationship.
Becoming Self-Aware
Change starts with you. To get your spouse to change, you must change. A marriage counselor can help you get to know yourself better to understand which characteristics you can improve. As you start making positive changes, you will notice a shift in how you engage with and respond to your partner.
For example, your counselor can help you understand why you become defensive and engage in screaming matches with your spouse when you feel accused. Once you get to the root cause of your defensiveness, you can learn to stop negative thoughts that ultimately lead to adverse reactions.
If you do not engage in a fight, the fight cannot exist.
Improving Communication
Miscommunications and lack of communication can create rifts in a marriage. At the beginning of your relationship, communication was natural, and you looked forward to having meaningful and not-so-meaningful conversations with your spouse. Your communication may of consisted of compliments, laughter, and trust. Now, communication is limited to hellos, goodbyes, and the most important news from the day.
Marriage counseling can help you get back to quality communication. First, you can learn communication styles, including assertive, aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and manipulative. Therapists can teach you specific skills to improve verbal, non-verbal, written, and electronic messaging so you both feel loved, valued, respected, and appreciated, even when you disagree.
Resolving Conflicts
Conflicts occur in every relationship. Many couples may not realize that disputes and disagreements can offer a solution that satisfies you both. There is a right way to argue. A marriage counselor can teach you appropriate conflict resolution, including compromise, being open-minded, and feeling safe in expressing yourself.
You can also learn to avoid blame and judgmental language, and listen, reflect, and respond in a way that helps you work together for a solution.
Receiving Objective Feedback
When you and your spouse are struggling in your relationship, you both feel you are right and your partner is wrong. A marriage counselor is an objective person who can give you honest feedback on why you feel this way and how to change the right versus wrong thought processes.
A marriage counselor does not take sides. They weigh both sides and provide advice that strengthens your marriage.
Parenting Styles
If you have children, you may have already noticed you and your spouse are very different in how you parent. You may be the disciplinarian, while your spouse is the “fun parent.” Or your partner may always say “yes,” and you are saying “no.”
A licensed marriage counselor can assist you and your spouse in creating a parenting plan to follow for various scenarios: discipline, finances, house rules, and consequences.
As parents, you must be a united front that supports one another. If your children see the slightest crack in your relationship, they will use this to their advantage. Marriage counseling can teach you to avoid arguing in front of the kids, especially when discussing them. Also, you can learn when to be flexible, how to compromise on consequences, how to support one another, and make the best decisions for the children.
Building Trust
Lack of trust can develop over time for many reasons other than infidelity. Not following through with promises, not being there emotionally or physically in times of need, and telling small lies all add to distrust in a relationship.
Marriage counseling can help you rebuild trust through positive communication and sharing. You can learn to avoid dwelling on past hurts and move forward without resentment. Learning accountability, admitting your mistakes, being physically intimate, and being vulnerable again.
Having More Fun
Why should you do anything if it is not enjoyable? Sure, there are some things you must do, like attend the Boss’s holiday party or weekend visits with your in-laws. Those are temporary events that will probably end up being fun after all.
To live in a marriage that lacks fun, joy, laughter, silliness, pleasure, and the many other positive actions and emotions can be detrimental. Avoid this by having more fun.
Setting and Reaching Goals
Early in your relationship, you and your partner had dreams and goals. You were excited about accomplishing those goals together. Due to everyday life events, those dreams may have been put on the back burner over the years. It feels like you are just surviving, and reaching your goals seems impossible.
It is not impossible. Your marriage counselor can help you get back on track to reaching your goals as a couple and individually. There are many effective techniques for setting short and long-term goals as a couple and creating specific steps to help you realize those goals.
In conclusion, saving a relationship with counseling for marriage can happen. Reports suggest marriage counseling takes less time than individual counseling, meaning you and your spouse will start noticing improvements in your relationship soon after your first meeting with a therapist.
Suppose for some reason, your relationship does not work out. In that case, your marriage counselor can help you prepare for an amicable separation in which you and your spouse maintain healthy boundaries and structure. What you learn in marriage counseling can apply to many other relationships too.