Have you ever helped a friend with a big project but did not get a thank you? Have you ever gone above and beyond to do something nice for a family member only to have them dismiss your efforts? Feeling unappreciated hurts. You do not want anyone else to feel it, especially your partner.
It is never too late to start showing your spouse appreciation. For too long, the business of work, school, and home may have taken over those small acts of love you both shared when the relationship was new.
Today, you can start changing how you show appreciation. Ten suggestions are listed below.
Write Your Appreciation
Remember the butterflies in your stomach you used to get when receiving a love note from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Recreate that feeling for your partner by writing them a love note. Use a sticky note, send a text, mail a greeting card, or write a letter. What matters most is that you write words that make them feel appreciated. It can be as simple as writing, "I appreciate you."
Speak Your Appreciation
Sometimes it can feel more challenging to tell someone how you feel, but it is necessary for healthy relationships. What can you say to your spouse today to make them feel appreciated? Compliment your partner if you are not great at sharing your feelings. Focus on your partner's positive traits, make a list, and share your list.
Listen with Appreciation
Sometimes listening attentively can be a bigger show of appreciation than talking or writing. Listening is a key component of healthy communication. It consists of paying attention to what your partner is saying and being able to reflect on them so they can know you heard them. Listening without interrupting them and showing empathy is respectful, loving, and of course, makes them feel appreciated.
Share Your Appreciation
When you and your partner are around friends or family, find a way to compliment your partner or brag about them to your friends and family. They may blush and get a little embarrassed on the outside, but they will feel loved on the inside. Give them a shout-out on social media, telling all your "friends" what you love about your partner. Do not forget to tag them in the post. You will feel rewarded for making their day. It is a win-win.
Touch for Appreciation
Hugging, holding hands, caressing, and even flirty pats on the bottom get pushed to the side over time. By the time you see each other at the end of the day, you have worked eight or more hours, run errands, cooked supper, etc. You are exhausted. The last thing you may feel like doing is putting your arm around your spouse and flirting. However, if you do this, you may find it energizing and stress-relieving. Giving each other ten-minute massages can make both of you feel refreshed.
Apologize for Appreciation
Every couple argues and disagrees. Sometimes continuing an argument until they feel they have won. Nobody wins, though, when this happens. If you are wrong (and sometimes when you are right), apologize. If it is a choice between being right or having peace and happiness, choose the latter. Admitting when you are wrong is a sign of strength and confidence. It can diffuse a situation and save hours of hurt feelings.
Turn Off Electronics for Appreciation
Nothing is worse than your partner trying to talk to you while being distracted on social media or searching online for random information. When you are not willing to turn off your smartphone or walk away from the computer, your partner will feel you love technology more than you love them. But if you spend an hour or two each day engaged in an activity with your spouse and without electronics, you will grow closer and start enjoying each other's company again.
Prioritize Appreciation
What gets your attention the most will be the most successful in your life. If you spend most of your time at work, you will have a successful career. If you spend most of your time drinking alcohol, you will have a significant alcohol use disorder. If you spend more time showing appreciation to your partner, your relationship will thrive.
Help for Appreciation
There are days when your partner may feel emotionally or physically fatigued. Take notice and encourage them to rest while you take over their household duties. For one day, you can take on extra duties, so your partner can nap, take a bubble bath, or get to sleep early. The next time you need a break, your partner will want to return the favor and help you while you rest. Do not keep score with who has helped the other the most. Doing so will create division rather than bring you closer.
Love Languages for Appreciation
Everyone has a love language, and you and your partners are most likely different. Discover your partner's love language, then find ways to speak their language as a show of appreciation. Love languages are listed below, along with suggestions on how to use them:
Words of affirmation – send a card, note, text, or love letter
Quality time – plan a weekend getaway, take evening walks, cook meals together, or talk
Acts of service – complete their chores, cook their favorite meal, or hire an assistant for them for a week
Gifts – giving and receiving gifts are something we save for holidays and birthdays. But why? Listen to your partner and make a mental note of things they say they want. Then surprise them with it later.
Physical touch – reclaim intimacy for your relationship by finding ways to touch your partner more often lovingly
A final suggestion for showing your partner appreciation is to work with a licensed marriage and family therapist to learn the hundreds of other ways you can improve your relationship. Whether you choose individual therapy or couple's counseling, you and your partner will benefit from what you learn.
Start making small changes and reaping big rewards today. You deserve it.