Perfect relationships do not exist unless you are in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Before long, even those in the early stages of love will realize that relationships are complicated due to the many differences between you and the person you love. You may even wonder if your partner is the same person you first met.
Having differences is a good thing. However, if you notice you and your spouse drifting apart, arguing more, or being intimate less, your relationship can benefit from positive changes. There is no better time than now to create a couple’s New Year’s resolutions for a healthy relationship. Below are some examples to help you and your partner figure out which resolutions will have the most significant impact.
• Make Intimacy a Priority
Intimacy in a relationship is crucial and should be made a priority. Intimacy is more than just sex. It separates you from being roommates or friends with benefits. Intimacy is not something that happens once or twice a week. It is a continual practice of all the little things that show each other love. Kiss, hug, hold hands and flirt daily.
Partners with healthy relationships have characteristics such as tenderness, fun, trust, caring, spirituality, communication and much more.
• Spend Quality Time Together
There can be much interference in relationships, such as work, children, school and social obligations. The more time you spend on those activities, the less time you spend on each other. Before you know it, the only thing you talk to your spouse about each day is what’s for dinner or an update on the kids.
Healthy relationships are those filled with date nights, long talks and learning something new about your partner. You must make specific efforts to ensure you spend quality time together.
• Ask for Help
You are not expected to know how to fix your relationship. Some professionals can teach you how to do it. Licensed marriage and family therapists can teach you specific skills for a healthy relationship. Skills such as communication, conflict resolution, and forgiveness are a few examples of what you can learn in counseling.
• Learn Your Partner’s Love Language
Dr. Gary Chapman developed five love languages that help describe how someone likes to give and receive love. Learning your partner’s and your own love languages can reignite sparks in your relationship.
The love languages include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts.
• Have Fun
All couples need to have fun and create happy memories. Whether you plan and schedule fun times or prefer to be spontaneous, pick activities your partner enjoys. Or create a list of things you both have
always wanted to try but have not. Revisit the fun things you did when you were dating. Play games, attend a comedy show, take a road trip, and learn a new hobby. The only requirement is that you laugh and enjoy your time together.
• Practice Praise
What you say to your spouse matters. If most of your statements are negative, your relationship will suffer. If you often wonder why your partner does not compliment you more, show appreciation, or express their love, it may be because you are not.
Conduct an experiment. Instead of catching your spouse doing something wrong, catch them doing something right. Even if it is something simple, like changing a light bulb, or something huge, like getting a bonus at work, compliment them. It won’t take long before you start noticing compliments coming right back to you.
• Volunteer Together
Giving back is rewarding, especially when experiencing it with your loved ones. Volunteering opportunities can be anything that helps someone or something in need. If you love animals, volunteer at the local humane society, help a farmer with livestock or assist at a boarding home for horses. Find something you are both passionate about, whether it is homelessness, planning events, sports, children, or the environment.
• Fight the Right Way
All couples have arguments, and yes, there is a right way to have one so that you get a resolution. Fighting with your spouse should follow basic guidelines like the following:
• No yelling or screaming
No name-calling or verbal abuse
No physical abuse
Allow each of you to speak without interruption
Let your partner know you heard them by reflecting on what they said
Use “I” statements
Be honest
Don’t fight in front of your kids
Take a timeout to cool down to avoid escalation
• Change Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions
Your thoughts make you feel a certain way, which makes you react a certain way. If you constantly think your spouse doesn’t help enough around the house, you will start to feel resentment. Over time, that
resentment will influence you to start noticing all the negative traits about your spouse, eventually interfering with your relationship.
When you have a negative thought about your partner, stop and immediately replace it with something positive. For example, suppose your spouse comes home after work and heads straight to the bedroom without speaking. Do not immediately get defensive or feel hurt. Do not think, “they are so mean to ignore me.” Thinking this way will lead to an argument. Instead, remind yourself that they have worked all day and must have had a hard day. Tell yourself to be supportive before jumping to conclusions. Thoughts like this will soften your feelings, and you will reaspond more positively.
You don’t have to abandon the conversation about how not speaking to you hurts your feelings; it simply delays it until you have more facts.
Getting Started
The start of a new year is the perfect time to make resolutions. It’s like hitting the reset button in a time representing fresh starts and renewals. As a couple, this is a great time to show your commitment to one another by analyzing your relationship needs, setting goals, and creating steps to achieve those goals.
Your relationship is worth the effort.