What does your marriage look like a year or five years from now? What improvements do you want to make in your relationship? What are you willing to do? Questions like these help you set a goal, which you aspire to and put forth great effort to obtain. Goals are fundamental in marriages.
As a couple, you should always have goals you both work on to enhance your relationship. Otherwise, you will grow apart emotionally and physically. The little things will come between you, and you may find yourselves communicating only during arguments. It doesn’t have to be that way, however. The love you have for one another can endure.
With a new year approaching, there is no better time to create marriage goals.
How to Set a Marriage Goal
One of the easiest ways to set goals is by using the SMART criteria, which consists of the following:
Specific (answer the who, what, when, where, and why questions clearly and concisely)
Measurable (write down how you will know if you reach your goals)
Attainable (make sure you can achieve the goals they set using resources and abilities you have)
Realistic (determine if you can achieve the goal and if it is doable and your level of commitment)
Time-bound (give each goal a reasonable and manageable start and end date)
Below are five examples of marriage goals to end the year with lots of love.
1. Discover Your Love Language
A love language is how a person prefers to give and receive love. There are five basic love languages, including quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
You and your spouse are two different people with different backgrounds. It makes sense that your love languages will be different. It is important to discover your love language and your spouse’s to enhance your relationship. Then, set goals to make love language part of your daily routine. Apply the SMART criteria to your marriage goal. For example:
Specific: I will compliment my spouse daily or give words of affirmation to make them feel loved so they will be happier when we are together. I will use texts, emails, phone calls, in-person conversations, and letters to share compliments.
Measurable: I will pay attention to my spouse’s attitude and behaviors to see if they respond and act happier.
Attainable: I have all the resources I need.
Realistic: One compliment a day can be easily accomplished.
Time-bound: I will use daily compliments for one month and continue if it makes a difference.
2. Make Intimacy a Priority
The chemistry you shared with your spouse at the beginning of your relationship was hot. After years together, it may feel lukewarm or cold, depending on which obstacles life has thrown your way. Before you know it, you can’t remember the last time you and your spouse touched, much less were intimate.
The good news is that you can reheat your chemistry and return to being intimate.
Specific: We will spend time daily physically touching each other, which can be anything from holding hands, hugging, kissing, or fooling around. Some days we may spend a few minutes or a few hours.
Measurable: Over time, we will measure if our attraction, desire, and love life have improved due to physically touching more.
Attainable: We are capable of spending time daily engaging in physical touching
Realistic: Making intimacy a priority is something we can commit to and can be easily accomplished.
Time-Bound: We will start today and, in one month, examine the results.
Exercises for Marriage Goals
Work with your spouse to create SMART criteria as you work through the rest of the marriage goals. This will give you great practice before developing more personal marriage goals.
3. Learn a New Skill
You and your spouse may have different interests, especially regarding hobbies, and that’s okay. It’s also good to learn something new together. Doing so gives you the quality time your relationship needs to thrive. Remember the adventures and new activities you and your spouse used to do together? You build positive memories with the quality time you share.
Get creative in choosing your new hobby, such as dance lessons, axe throwing, golf, songwriting, exercising, cooking, etc.
4. Handle Finances as a Team
Since finances and financial problems are one of the biggest reasons for divorce, make handling your finances together a priority. Working as a team makes you feel valued, supported, appreciated, and on the same page. You can get on the same page financially with weekly budget meetings to discuss how your money will be spent. You can also set financial goals and create steps to reach them.
5. Do The Little Things
What is one thing you can do for your spouse to make their day or week easier? Can you cook supper, clean, wash clothes, pick the kids up, or hire help? These acts of service may not seem like much, but they can make a big difference. They also make your partner feel like you care about and love them.
If you run out of small ways to lighten their load, you can always give a small gift to show your love. Gifts don’t require spending much money unless you want to and can afford them. Giving gifts can include creating your card, picking flowers, making a bubble bath, sending them to the spa, or buying them something they have wanted for a while. You will notice that giving feels better than receiving.
One More Thing
When something is broken, you take it to a specialist to fix it. The same can be true for relationships. You can take a broken marriage to a licensed marriage and family therapist and learn how to heal it.
Reaching out to a therapist for help shows your spouse you care enough to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, which is the ultimate marriage goal to end the year with lots of love.