January is known as "divorce month," with the first Monday labeled "divorce day." The reason is that more divorces occur in the first two months of the year. However, it is what happened before January that led to the breakup.
The holidays are stressful even in the healthiest relationships. Yet, couples who know they will break up or divorce typically choose to do so after the holidays, especially if they have children. Dealing with a breakup during the holidays seems like a huge challenge. However, there are ways to make it less complicated, like the ones below.
Breakups and Mental Health
When relationships end, it can be painful, especially if one person wants to end it and the other doesn't. Often, people experience guilt, shame, or failure, even though none may be accurate. Breakups are associated with depression, anxiety, loneliness, and for some, drug or alcohol misuse as a way to cope.
Breakups are unique to every couple, and how you handle it may be completely different than how someone else does, mainly because various factors play a role in a breakup, like infidelity, abuse, addiction, length of the relationship and love.
Some couples go through a grieving process during a breakup while others celebrate. The people successful in dealing with a breakup during the holidays are the ones who take steps to change themselves for the better. Below are some of the activities that help.
Practice Self-Care
When your physical and mental health is not a priority, it will be hard for you to handle the ups and downs of the holiday season. You will be more vulnerable to unhealthy temptations, such as overeating, misusing alcohol or drugs, or getting back with your ex.
Self-care means being mindful of and meeting your needs. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to give your loved ones the support they need, including any future romantic relationships. Relaxation, stress management, self-esteem, and inner peace should be daily goals during the holidays. If that means you must turn down invitations, then so be it.
Examples of ways to practice self-care include:
Massage
Acupuncture
Yoga
Meditation
Physical fitness
Nutrition therapy
Journal writing
Attending spiritual or religious events
Avoid Social Media
Understandably, you must be online if you have a social media page related to your business. However, you can limit your time significantly to avoid feeling stress, insecurities, or jealousy. If you do not have a business to promote, take a complete break from social media for the holiday season.
If you feel anxious about getting off social media, you may be dealing with the fear of missing out (FOMO). This is a sign you need to take a break from social media, at least temporarily. Believe it or not, people can become dependent on social media, which is extremely unhealthy.
A recent study shows social media impacts mental health during a breakup. Whether it's a nasty post about your ex so they can see it or blocking your ex and everyone who seems to take their side, your online actions will hurt you more than them.
Research also shows a clear link between social media and depression and anxiety. Those with lower self-esteem were found to spend the most time on social media. It is easy to rely on the feedback and attention you receive online to feel validated.
Limiting your time on social media leads to the following:
Sleep improvements
Stress reduction
Emotional regulation
Mood boosts
Embrace Being Single
Attending holiday events alone, having no one to kiss at midnight on New Year's, or watching numerous sappy movies about love can make you sad and lonely. Instead, find ways to embrace being single this holiday season. Being single does not mean jumping into a new relationship or partying like you're in college again. It does mean that when you are single, you can do things without input from your partner, like:
Improve your skillset by learning something new
Take a road trip
Hang out with your friends
Spend your money however you want
Volunteer or give back to the community
Eat at restaurants you've always wanted to try
Use your time without a partner to get to know yourself better, which will benefit your next relationship.
Reach Out for Guidance
You don't have to deal with a breakup during the holidays alone. A sign of emotional strength is asking for help from a professional. Licensed marriage and family therapists can help you process your thoughts and feelings and create a plan that will help you make it through the various events scheduled over the holidays.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and coaching are a few methods a therapist will use to help you with the following:
Coping with your feelings in a safe, confidential environment
Listening to you without judgment
Creating new goals and steps to reach them
Helping you continue to function at work, home, school, and socially
Addressing any mental health needs to support coping
Depending on your situation, a therapist may be able to work with couples in the breakup process to help you both get closure.
Give Back to Those in Need
A breakup is a big deal. It is painful and can feel like it is taking over your world. Sometimes the thing that helps is visiting or helping those in more need than you. Volunteering in your community has many benefits, including the following:
Enables you to focus on the blessings you have
Connects you with other people
Improves self-confidence and social skills
Gives you a sense of purpose and reward
Helps you avoid feeling lonely
Makes you laugh and enjoy yourself
The Next Step
If you are dealing with a breakup during the holidays, give yourself the gift of good mental and physical health. Licensed therapists can offer guidance and teach you the necessary skills to cope with the breakup. You will learn to love yourself and make your needs a priority. By doing so, your future relationships will thrive.