The seven top problems refer to common issues that plague many couples. It does not mean you and your partner have seven or more problems. However, if you find that you do have multiple issues, then keep reading to find a resolution. There can be a happy ending, and help is available to help you find it.
Couples therapy is not your ordinary therapy. It involves working with a licensed marriage and family therapist individually and together. You quickly work through the things that led you to therapy and spend most of your time learning new relationship skills to strengthen and enhance your bond.
Below are some top complaints that can be overcome quickly in couples therapy.
1. They Are Not the Person I Fell in Love With
Do you feel like your partner has changed since the time you were dating and falling in love? If so, you are right. You have changed too. That happens as you grow and encounter ups and downs. Healthy relationships are those in which couples change together.
Changing together does not mean you must both like the same things or agree on every decision. It means learning to work together, compromise, and use your strengths to work as a team.
Couples therapy teaches you how to get to know each other again. You figure out the steps needed to get back on track. You learn to set goals, improve communication, fight fairly and with respect, and bring fun back into your relationship.
You may even notice positive changes with romance.
2. Intimacy? What’s That?
Many, if not most, couples experience changes in the intimate parts of their relationship. Factors contributing to the loss of intimacy include hormonal changes, childbirth, lack of quality sleep, feeling exhausted, undiagnosed or diagnosed mental health disorders, hurt feelings, and lack of romance. The mere sight of your partner no longer gets you in the mood as it did when dating and vice versa.
Intimacy is a skill you can learn in couples counseling. You can take steps to give and receive more intimate moments with your spouse. It starts with emotional health and making each other feel loved, valued, and desired.
Even if one of you has cheated on the other and there is a lack of trust, a therapist can help you overcome it.
3. They Give All Their Attention to the Children
It is a wonderful blessing when children arrive, and you and your spouse are thrilled to be parents. Usually, one parent feels left out or like their partner loves the kids more than them. Parents can benefit from learning how to balance marriage and parenting. Both are equally important. Children must see their parents showing love, resolving conflicts healthily, laughing, working, etc.
Children also need to see you and your spouse being a couple. As role models, you teach your children how to treat their future spouses.
4. I Can’t Do Anything Right
At the beginning of your relationship, you were eager to share compliments. Today you are lucky if you have a whole conversation during the day. When you talk, it’s about what the other hasn’t done or what they’ve done wrong.
Healthy relationships consist of affirmations, encouragement, understanding, and compassion. You can take daily actions to ensure you and your partner are making efforts to build each other up mentally and physically.
Don’t wait for your spouse to start changing how you communicate. Give your spouse what you need the most, and they will respond by giving you what you need and desire. Try this, give your spouse five compliments throughout your day. You can provide praise in an email, text, call, sticky note, or person. It probably will not be long until you receive a compliment from your spouse.
5. We Are Not on the Same Page with Parenting
Parenting is hard enough when a couple is on the same page. It must feel impossible if you’re on separate pages. You may feel like you are raising the kids alone without support. Parenting is an issue that no longer affects just you and your spouse. Now there are children involved, and your choices will impact them.
Pre-marital counseling is a great way to resolve parenting issues before they happen. However, it is never too late to start couples therapy to learn parenting skills. You may be surprised to learn that the skills that help you become a better parent also help to improve your marriage.
6. Their Family Hates Me
Relationships with in-laws may change and evolve throughout your marriage and with significant life changes, like having children, relocating, or when tragedies occur. Those with the best in-law relationships are the ones who set boundaries.
Boundaries are like invisible lines separating healthy and unhealthy behaviors. Your cousin needs a place to stay for a few days, and you offer your spare bedroom. That’s a healthy and kind thing to do. It becomes unhealthy when your cousin refuses to leave, and the days become weeks of them mooching and taking advantage of your kindness.
Couples need boundaries within their relationship, as well as boundaries with everyone else in their life. Learning to set healthy boundaries can be done in couples therapy.
7. My Spouse Won’t Go to Couples Therapy
It is not unusual for one spouse to hesitate about going to a couple’s therapy. Don’t let that stop you. Start working with a marriage and family therapist with the idea that your spouse will join you at a later session, which may or may not happen.
Remember, you are not going to therapy to fix the other person. Therapy is about teaching you skills that can improve your relationship. Your therapist will create separate treatment plans for you, your spouse, and your relationship. If you can only focus on yourself right now, that’s okay.
What’s most important is that you get the support, education, and guidance you deserve to navigate through issues in relationships.