If you are in a relationship, then you have likely already experienced a communication problem. That is because communication problems are completely normal and happen in all sorts of relationships. Relationships involve two people who entered the union with a lot of differences, as well as similarities.
Differences can involve culture, religion, discipline, and, yes, communication styles. The differences in your relationship do not have to come between you. The key is learning what they are and then learning how to make them an asset in your partnership.
You may find that your communication problems are like those of other couples. There have been a lot of reports written, sharing common issues with communication. Below are seven. If you can relate, this is a good thing because also discussed below are specific steps you can do to make improvements.
Non-Verbal Negativity
Body language and facial expressions are forms of communication. You may be saying you love someone while also making a scowling face or slamming a door as you storm off. Your face tells the truth. Your actions tell the truth.
Paying attention to your non-verbal communication and ensuring it matches your words is critical in improving communication in your relationship.
It is okay to get angry. Everyone gets mad at times. How you handle your anger or disappointment should be respectful, caring, and solution-oriented.
Fighting the Wrong Way
Yelling, screaming, degrading, berating, hitting, punching, and running away is not okay. You can learn to fight the right way, be heard, and express yourself appropriately with conflict resolution and anger management education.
Mature adults who love one another argue with one goal in mind, to resolve the problem as a team in a way that betters your relationship. Many people get caught up in being the winner of a fight, which usually ends with both parties losing.
Wanting to Always Win
In most situations, wanting to win is okay. But when it comes to communicating with your loved one, wanting to win all the time will create a wedge in your relationship. Most who want to win or be the smartest in a conversation are so focused on what they will say next that they forget to pay attention and listen to their partner.
Successful relationships happen when two people avoid getting defensive or competitive but rather enjoy helping the other person express themselves comfortably and confidently.
DO NOT Make Assumptions
Unless you and your partner are confirmed mind readers or can communicate telepathically, never assume they know what you want or expect. It would help if you expressed your needs or desires verbally, so there is less room for misunderstandings.
If you need an hour after work to wind down and relax, tell your partner. Do not come home and go straight to the bedroom, locking yourself in the room for an hour without saying a word to your spouse. If you do this, you may find that an hour later, when you emerge from the bedroom, your spouse feels angry and hurt. You can not act surprised. Your spouse has no idea why you did not want to spend time with them right away.
Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind, and vice versa.
Ignore It and It Will Go Away
Many people think if you ignore it, then it will disappear. Only, just the opposite is true. Unsettled, hurt feelings and negative interactions build and build and build until finally, emotions erupt, and a fight ensues. You say things you do not mean simply to make your loved one feel the pain you have been experiencing.
You can prevent this from happening by addressing issues rather than ignore them. This will also help you avoid keeping score.
Keeping Score
Have you ever found yourself secretly counting the number of good things you have done in the relationship and how many bad things your partner has done? You are not alone. It is easy to remember all the hard work you have put into something. Sometimes, you may feel like you are the only one doing things to make the relationship work.
When you get mad, you throw out the score and let them know you are winning. The problem? They, too, have been keeping score.
From now on, try adding up all the positive things your spouse does in your relationship. Keep score on the stuff they do that makes you feel good, and then share it at the end of each day. This technique will help you switch your thinking from negative to positive and will significantly enhance your relationship.
Focus on Self-Improvement
Change starts within you. If you want to change others, you must change how you react to them. If your spouse is angry and wants to have a screaming match, you have a choice to engage or disengage. If you want your spouse to recognize your positive traits, start recognizing their positive characteristics.
If you want your partner’s body language to reflect love and affection, make sure you are offering the same.
Set goals for yourself that include thoughtful communication, thinking about what you will say before just blurting something out, and allowing your spouse to talk. At the same time, you can focus on what they are saying, the meaning for them, and find new and creative ways to communicate.
Sending messages takes place with every text, email, phone call, and sticky note. Pay attention to the words you use in each of those. Make sure the message you send is positive. Communication that is not face-to-face can be misinterpreted unless you take extra steps to clarify the feelings behind your words.
In conclusion, your communication problems can be resolved. Your relationship is worth the effort, and you do not have to figure this out alone.
Reach out to a relationship counselor who has helped many other couples overcome the same obstacles.
Talk to your partner today. Together, seek help and learn how to improve communication skills in your relationship. You deserve it.