Pride. Embarrassment. Denial. These are just a few reasons some people refuse to go to therapy with the person they love. Their refusal can leave you feeling hurt and disappointed. You have options, however. You can force your spouse into couples therapy against their will and under an ultimatum. The outcome will not be good and could draw an even bigger wedge between you. Another option is to give up on the idea of counseling and accept that your relationship may not improve. Again, the outcome will not be good.
You will start to feel resentment towards your partner. He or she won’t understand. The problems you had before could grow larger.
A third option can bring about positive change even if the other partner does not participate is; that is to seek individual therapy for your relationship issues.
What Is Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
Individual therapy refers to a form of psychotherapy, a process of healing in which you meet with a licensed therapist at least once a week, over several months. During your meetings, you will engage in therapeutic activities that allow you to identify what is not working and learn how to make positive changes.
Individual therapy aims to change negative thought processes that lead to negative feelings that lead to negative behaviors. Individual therapy is not a place where you will learn how to change your spouse.
You can find that the changes you make will affect your spouse, and may begin to change your interactions also.
The benefits individual therapy can have on a relationship are numerous, but some of the most common are discussed below.
Benefit: Improved Communication Skills
Miscommunications happen all the time and in every relationship. When two different people, who were raised to communicate differently, form a relationship, there are bound to be errors. Every couple could benefit from improving communication skills.
Communicating well includes knowing how to listen and reflect well. Individual therapy can teach you how to do this in a way that will improve your partner’s skills when you communicate at home.
Benefit: Self-Care
Individual therapy is the best way to start taking care of yourself. If you aren’t mentally and physically healthy, you can’t be there for your spouse and your relationship the way you need to be.
Self-care involves paying attention to and resolving issues that are interfering with your overall well-being. Those aches and pains that have been brushed off for years, the anxiety or depression you feel in the mornings, or the anger you feel towards your spouse’s family.
Individual therapy benefits your relationship because you can work out all of these issues and get back to being healthy and happy in your marriage. Seeing you this way will likely encourage your partner to get healthier and happier too.
Benefit: You Learn to Fight the Right Way
Yes, there is a right way to fight. If you are having relationship issues, you probably have not been doing this.
Couples argue. It is hard not when so many factors affect your relationship. A lot of decisions must be made by two individuals with different backgrounds and upbringing. For some, arguments can go from a mild disagreement to a violent outburst in just a few minutes.
It doesn’t have to be like this. You can learn to fight with respect, care, and love from an individual therapist. You can learn how to avoid engaging in a heated argument. You can learn how to control your breathing to remain calm. You learn to cope with triggers.
When you start implementing the tools you learn in therapy at home; you will notice your fights become easier to resolve.
Benefit: You Become a Better Parent and In-law
Other family members may be important to your relationships like children, parents, siblings, and in-laws. Your relationship affects your relationships with others, whether you think it does or not.
Raising children is challenging. Your job is to ensure they turn out to be healthy, respectful, productive citizens. You and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. You are a team.
Individual therapy can help you take a good look at your parenting style and figure out how to do better even without your spouse present.
It can also help you process relationship issues you may have with your extended family or partner.
There may be opportunities for your children and family members to participate in your therapy sessions.
Benefit: You Can Choose To Teach Your Spouse
Just because your spouse isn’t attending individual counseling with you does not mean they do not want to improve the relationship. They may be eager to find out what you have been learning, allowing you to teach them. For example, when you learn a new communication or stress-management technique, you may want to practice it with your partner at home. You may find yourselves having a good time again.
Benefit: You Will Feel Better
Participating in individual therapy will help you feel better about yourself. It can raise your self-confidence so that you will be okay no matter what happens in your relationship. The more you gain internal strength and a more positive outlook, the perspective of your relationship will change. You can eliminate self-criticism and discern criticism from others.
Individual therapy can help you understand your value in a relationship, set realistic expectations for you and your partner, becoming more resilient.
You will be able to handle obstacles better as they arise without fear and anxiety. You will feel more in control of your life.
It is these kinds of changes that may motivate your spouse to start going to therapy too. Try not to have any expectations, do individual therapy for yourself. They may only go to individual therapy, but that is okay. You already know it has benefits that will be positive for both of you.
In conclusion, change starts from within, whether you are in couples or individual counseling. You can start making positive changes today, changes that will give you the happy life you are meant to have.