Addiction affects family members directly and indirectly. Children, parents, grandparents, siblings, spouses, and extended family members can all be impacted by a loved one’s substance use disorder. According to reports, 46% of American adults have someone in their family with a substance use disorder. Alcohol use disorders were more common than prescription or illicit drug use.
The National Association for Children of Addiction reports alarming statistics:
• 78% of abandoned children are drug-exposed
• 18 million (1 in 4) children have a parent addicted to drugs or alcohol
A person with a substance use disorder creates a domino effect and extends out by several degrees of separation. Below are some of the ways addiction affects families, followed by how the whole family can enter recovery.
Addiction Affects Family Roles
In healthy family relationships, everyone plays a role. The same is true for unhealthy relationships, like when someone has a substance use disorder. The family roles of addiction include the following:
• The enabler
The enabler in a family makes it possible for a person to continue their addiction to alcohol or drugs by giving them money, a place to live, or rides to purchase alcohol or drugs.
• The hero
The hero in a family plays the role of a parent even if they are not a parent. They seek perfection, which is unrealistic and leads to extreme disappointment.
• The scapegoat
Scapegoats are often the ones who get blamed for misbehaving, but their behaviors directly reflect what is going on in their family.
• The mascot
The mascot is the joker of the family and tries to keep everyone laughing and not fighting. • The lost child
The lost child isolates and withdraws from family and society. They struggle to adapt socially. • The addict
The addict in a family does not want to be an addict, but they cannot stop using drugs or alcohol. Their inability to stop changes the family's dynamics.
Addiction Affects Significant Others
Whether you are married or in a committed relationship, if one of you is misusing drugs or alcohol, the other one will be affected.
You Are Not a Priority
Alcohol or drug use disorders take priority in relationships. Seeking and using substances comes before anything else. Not because they don’t love you, but because their brain is dependent on drugs or alcohol to function.
You may feel at times that your spouse is in a relationship with their drug of choice. They spend more time and money on it than they do on you. They defend it. They will do anything to keep it in their life. Loneliness is felt by many who have a spouse with a substance use disorder.
Codependency
Without help, your relationship will likely end. Too often, spouses of those with addiction develop codependency. They put their own needs aside to take care of and satisfy the partner who has a substance use disorder. They make excuses for and sometimes take the blame for the behaviors of their addicted spouse. Their happiness becomes dependent on the happiness of their spouse.
Financial Strain
When you marry, you join everything, including bank accounts. This can become a problem if one of you is misusing alcohol or drugs. Money may start to disappear from the account because it is being used to support your partner's substance use disorder. Lack of money can lead to struggles in paying the bills and meeting basic needs.
Addiction Affects Children
Children who have a parent with a substance use disorder often try to deal with their emotions internally. They blame themselves, thinking they are the reason their parent chooses drugs or alcohol over them.
Codependency
Children may also become codependent on a parent with an addiction, trying to please them even if it means being neglected. Codependent children may be influenced to start drinking or using drugs at an early age. To avoid feeling abandoned or dealing with angry outbursts from their parents, to feel they belong, children will support their parent's misuse of drugs or alcohol.
Behavior Changes
Some children become the opposite of codependent. They try to be independent but go about it in unhealthy ways. They may run away, stay away from home, start hanging out with older kids, even if they misuse alcohol or drugs. Skipping school, failing classes, and experimenting with substances is common among children with parents struggling with an addiction. They try to fill the void of not having their parents with behaviors that only make them feel worse. This may lead to lower self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Addiction Affects Parents
Sometimes, the person with the substance use disorder is not an adult. Surveys show 43% of college students use illicit drugs, 50% of teens have misused drugs, and 2.7% of 12th graders report drinking alcohol daily.
Neglecting Other Children
A child with an addiction can be difficult for parents. They feel guilty because most of their attention is spent on the child misusing drugs or alcohol rather than on the children who are doing well and deserve praise.
Being Manipulated
Parents know their child with addiction is manipulating them, but they justify reasons for giving in to their requests for money or favors. This manipulation destroys trust within the family. It causes strife and division between parents when one is easily manipulated, and the other parent never gives in.
Misplaced Emotions
Parents often misplace their blame and anger towards a child's substance use behavior on one another rather than where it belongs, with their child. While being a team and on the same page is crucial, a child's substance use can break a couple apart.
Recovery Heals Families
Treatment is available for all family members, either individually, as a group, or both. You all deserve to heal and overcome addiction together. You can start the healing process today by reaching out to a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in substance use disorders.
Parents, children, extended family, and members with an addiction can be happy and healthy again. Begin your journey today.