Trust is a science. In a study on trust, brain imaging showed two specific regions lit up in participants who felt they trusted a close friend. That is right. Trust can be activated and seen in the brain.
The two regions are the ventral striatum and the medial prefrontal cortex, showing reward signals correlated with positive emotions.
Researchers are finding a specific brain chemical connected to trust, oxytocin, which has long been related to facilitating social behaviors. They found that as oxytocin was produced and released into the bloodstream, participants became more willing to trust someone else.
Now that we know oxytocin is the molecule involved in trust, we must build trust in a relationship to find ways to get more of it. Well, it may not be that easy. There are other elements involved. Below, we break down the most critical factors, then focus on specific steps you can start taking today to improve trust in your relationships.
What is Trust?
In relationships, trust is a feeling you achieve based on certain qualities of the person you love, like reliability, safety, confidence, and faith. Other actions that help you feel trust include communication, integrity, loyalty, and being honest.
Trust is achieved over time, after repetitive confirmations of the above actions. When you first meet someone, you like them and may feel attraction, but you may also still feel a bit of hesitation or lack of trust. As the relationship continues to grow and your partner shows you those initial good qualities are still apparent trust continues to build.
Trust allows you to experience closeness in your relationship. It is one component that sets the foundation to make your relationship stronger.
Understanding trust also means understanding distrust.
The Damage of Distrust
If you lack trust in your partner, then you already know your relationship can be negatively affected. Distrust happens because one of you has behaved in a way that made the other feel doubt, a drop in confidence, suspicion, betrayal, anxiety, fear, and even decreased safety.
When you feel distrust, it’s natural to want to figure out the reason for the distrust. For example, your spouse lied to you, so you feel betrayed. Or, your partner cheated on you, so you feel angry and scared. These are normal reactions. Unfortunately, some people attach wrong reasons to distrust.
An example, if your husband cheats on you and you feel you did something wrong to cause the cheating.
Distrust is a relationship divider. Because it can be so damaging to a relationship, you and your partner must take preventative actions.
The best thing you can do is implement trust-building activities now to avoid ever dealing with distrust. Exercises like the ones below can help you build trust so much that your trust is not diminished even when you hit a rough patch.
Build Trust By Communicating
Unless you are both telepaths, it will be hard for you to build trust without actually talking. Many couples find themselves so busy and tired from each day's duties that they fail to make time for communication with the person they love the most.
Communication doesn’t have to last for hours. Think quality over quantity.
To have quality communication, you may want to work with a relationship counselor specializing in teaching couples how to listen, reflect, and speak appropriately. You can learn how to resolve problems and argue healthily.
Take Responsibility
To build trust in a relationship, it is essential to learn how to take responsibility for the mistakes you make, and we all make mistakes. Owning your behaviors shows the other person in your relationship that you understand you did something wrong and do not blame others.
Taking responsibility allows you to apologize for your mistake. Simple apologies can end arguments and foster forgiveness.
Make it a Priority
Whatever you focus on the most will likely be the most successful. If you are a workaholic, you are probably very successful in your career. If you spend all your free time training for a marathon, you will likely win the race.
If you want to build trust in your relationship, you must spend time in your relationship. Make it a priority and participate in activities that make you stronger as a couple. Train for marathons together, go to the movies, have talk / no-tech sessions in bed, or meet with a counselor are all great ideas to help make building trust a priority.
Find Ways to Show It
Sometimes, too much talk about trust can come off as insincere. That’s when putting your words into action is necessary. Seek ways to show your spouse, you can be trusted and that you trust him or her.
Following through with what you agree to do is one way to show you can be trusted. Do not skip out on important family events. Be accessible, transparent, and faithful in all your actions.
Also, please pay attention to the things your partner is doing right rather than what they are doing wrong. You may find they are already doing something to build trust in your relationship, only you have not made an effort to notice.
Get Help If Needed
Seeking help from the experts shows your commitment to building trust in your relationship. Licensed Marriage and Family therapists can teach you how to build trust, overcome obstacles, improve communication, and rediscover the love between you.
All relationships can benefit from some form of professional guidance.
Couples counseling can benefit you individually too. It can help you deal with any emotional barriers preventing you from being trustworthy or fully trusting others. You can learn to let your guard down, allow yourself to be vulnerable, forgive, and overcome other obstacles hindering trust within your relationship.
You can start the process of building trust in your relationship today by acknowledging there is a problem. Tell your spouse you want to build trust. Develop a plan of action together and put it into action. Then, enjoy the positive changes that will lead to a healthier, better relationship.