Just because you and your significant other are community, it doesn’t mean you are communicating well. You may talk to each other all day long, but if most of the time is spent yelling, being passive-aggressive, blaming, bullying, criticizing, or giving them the silent treatment, your communication skills are poor.
They don’t have to be poor, though. You can improve your communication skills in your relationship. Below are tips on how to do this so you and your spouse can enjoy the benefits of better communication skills.
Understand Healthy Communication Skills
Communication happens verbally and non-verbally. It helps you get to know someone on a deeper level. Communication resolves conflicts. Communication is often not talking yet instead listening to your partner. It is showing respect and love even when you disagree. It is being accepting of different opinions, paying attention to their nonverbal cues, staying calm, and being assertive, not aggressive.
Communication is a great way to show love, and it can boost your mood. Anything you can do to improve your communication skills in your relationship is worth the effort. You can start by trying the suggestions below.
Take Responsibility
Statements like “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” have a powerful, positive impact on relationships. So why are they so hard to say? Do not let pride stop you from owning up to your mistakes or actions that have hurt your partner.
If you have done something wrong, admit it. Avoid blaming your spouse or others. Taking responsibility shows maturity and encourages your spouse to start taking responsibility.
Show Appreciation
Why is it that the people we love the most are the ones that hear positive statements the least? Think about everything your spouse does for you throughout the day, week, or year. It is likely a lot more than you realize.
A “thank you” goes a long way between two people in love. Find ways to express gratitude towards your spouse, whether by sending a text every morning or a sticky note on the bathroom mirror. You may notice you will start receiving more appreciation in return.
Take Time to Flirt
Even if you are no longer in the honeymoon phase, you can still flirt with your partner. There are proven benefits of flirting, like raised self-esteem and increased intimacy.
Flirting does not have to always be sexual, although it can be. The key to flirting is to make your spouse feel like they are the only one in the room that can capture your attention. It may be a simple love tap on their bottom, blowing them a kiss across the room, making eye contact and winking, laughing at their jokes, or sending a compliment on social media.
Avoid Assumptions
Don’t assume your partner knows how you feel about them. Don’t assume they are angry with you. Don’t assume they are going to misbehave.
You are not a mind reader. The only way to truly know the answers to your questions is to ask them directly. Then, believe their response. If you ask your spouse, “what’s wrong?” and they respond, “nothing,” believe them. Don’t ask them twenty more times or until something is wrong.
At the same time, do not force your partner to make assumptions. Tell them how you think and feel, so there is no guesswork. The more you exhibit honesty, the more they will do the same.
Avoid Time Traveling
Good communication keeps the conversation in the present. Don’t go down memory lane to remind your spouse how poorly they treated you ten years ago. Don’t go into the future with expectations of how you think they will disappoint you. Instead, stay in the present moment and work together to resolve issues.
Make Time Each Day
What you spend the most time on in your life is the thing that will most succeed. Will that be your career, hobby, or marriage? Some couples go an entire day and only speak a few words to their spouse. They do this because work or social responsibilities demand the most attention. This should not be, however.
Your marriage should be a priority every day. Think of it as part of your daily routine. Put it on your calendar. Do whatever you can to remind yourself to put some sweat equity into your relationship each day.
Turn off cell phones, televisions, and any other distraction during that time. It should be you and your spouse, together, communicating.
Let Go of Past Hurts
Letting go of being hurt by your spouse is really about forgiveness. It is easier to forgive when your spouse offers an apology and takes responsibility. However, this will not always happen. You must be able to let go and move forward anyway. If you don’t, resentments will build and interfere with your relationship.
Some resentments can be avoided by letting them go when they occur. You may be reacting due to feeling tired or rushed. Keep your expectations realistic, remember your spouse is human, and you will both unintentionally hurt each other from time to time.
If the hurts are intentional, communication is the key to resolving the problem immediately. You will not be able to let go of the hurt until it is addressed. You can accomplish this in a calm, respectful manner.
Couples Counseling
Don’t expect you and your spouse to conquer communication skills the first time you try. It takes work and sometimes, help from a professional. Couples counseling is a great way to improve communication skills in your relationship.
Think of licensed marriage and family therapists as teachers with various activities to help you and your spouse improve communication skills. Each week you can attend a class created just for you and your spouse. You will notice that improving your communication skills also improves other areas, like intimacy, finances, setting goals, parenting, and having fun.
You can learn more about improving your communication skills in your relationship by reaching out to a marriage and family therapist.