Examples of intimacy are holding hands, kissing, discussing dreams and goals and making spiritual connections. While many think of sex when it comes to intimacy, it is much more than that. Intimacy is the basis for how you bond with another person on multiple levels.
In a marriage, intimacy is the closeness between you and your spouse. It is the special moments that only you can share. It is knowing your partner better than anyone else and vice versa. Without intimacy, relationships often suffer. According to reports on divorce, lack of intimacy is one of the top reasons for divorce.
If you are struggling with intimacy issues in marriage, consider counseling. You will learn that there are numerous types of intimacy in relationships that are interdependent. When one area of intimacy is lacking, it affects the others. A licensed marriage and family therapist can teach you how to recognize which area needs attention and how to repair it.
Keep reading to learn about different types of intimacy and how a counselor can help improve it in your marriage.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy does not necessarily mean sexual activity. It may lead to sex but involves gentle touches, hand holding, hugs, caressing, kissing, and being in close physical proximity to one another. Because physical intimacy can have different meanings for everyone, a counselor can help you and your partner define it to fit your relationship.
Once you have a definition, you can engage in therapeutic activities like
• Breathing Connection Exercise
While facing each other, put your foreheads together and breathe deeply and slowly until your breaths are the same. The energy you transfer and share improves your connection and is a form of relaxation.
• Active Listening Exercise
To listen actively to your partner, just listen. Let them talk or vent and commit to not interrupting them. You can offer feedback and reflect on what you heard them say when they are finished.
• Cuddle Time Exercise
Cuddling is holding one another without expectations of sex or anything else. Try cuddling for short periods every day to build the closeness you feel.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy requires letting your guard down and opening up to your partner. It means you trust your spouse and are not afraid of how they will respond to your innermost thoughts and feelings. Without emotional intimacy, it is not easy to connect physically on a deeper level. It can mean the difference between a hookup and making love.
Emotionally focused couples therapy is a technique used by counselors to help you reconnect with your partner.
Intellectual Intimacy
Communicating with your partner about important life topics is essential to building intimacy. Even if you disagree on some things, you should be able to have intellectual, respectful conversations that value both opinions.
In therapy, you can learn communication skills to provide validation, use positive language, make eye contact, listen actively, show gratitude and appreciation, and use "I" statements.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spirituality is another factor that can have different meanings for couples. For some, it means attending church each week. For others, it means meditating or making connections with the universe. Defining spirituality for your marriage is a must to improve intimacy.
Spirituality is typically a foundation for beliefs and values. Being able to share your beliefs and values with your spouse is essential. Marriage counseling can teach you how to understand and accept differing spiritual values and create a plan to improve spiritual intimacy.
Conflict Intimacy
Conflict and intimacy do not seem to go together at first. If you think about it, your arguments with your spouse are incredibly intimate because they are between you and can involve intense emotions. Conflict can cause division, but it does not have to. Arguing the right way can improve overall intimacy.
Counseling can teach you conflict management skills that involve putting together a blueprint or plan for how you will fight fair. Doing so will improve intimacy and find resolutions that work.
Emergency Intimacy
All couples go through ups and downs. Navigating these ups and downs together makes your bond stronger. The same can happen when your relationship encounters a crisis or emergency.
Some couples do not stay together after a crisis, such as losing a child or a natural disaster where you lose your home. The ones that do stay together find their bond is stronger. Counseling helps you focus on emotional health and can teach you to be supportive, have patience, and continue to love one another until both of you heal from the crisis.
Relationship Equity Intimacy
Relationship equity refers to the efforts you put into making your marriage work. When one person puts in more equity than the other, resentment can build and interfere with intimacy. Relationships must be fair in all areas, including chores, finances, activities, etc. Marriage counseling can help you evaluate the fairness of your relationship.
Counseling can teach you how to improve intimacy by ensuring equality in meeting your family's needs.
Fun and Play Intimacy
Having fun with your spouse builds positive memories and improves intimacy. Sharing laughter and excitement makes you feel closer. Staying together will be challenging if you have more negative memories than positive ones.
Life gets so busy that it is easy to move recreation lower on the priority list. If this is the case, your priorities are out of order. Your marriage must come before social commitments, overtime at work, or routine chores.
Fun and play do not just show up on your doorstep. You must make plans to include them in your life. Schedule activities with your spouse and commit to them. Ideas for creating fun with your spouse include:
Take a road trip
Go dancing
Learn a new hobby
Take in a comedy show
Go skydiving
Join a book club
Work together to create a fun bucket list and complete them to improve intimacy.
Takeaway
Improving intimacy issues in marriage with counseling is beneficial for all couples. Your relationship is worth it. Reach out to a marriage counselor now to get started.