Internal Family System (IFS) is a popular counseling method used by licensed marriage and family therapists since the 1980s. It is based on the idea that each person’s mind has multiple components, often called sub-personalities, that must be understood to heal the whole person. All the sub-personalities make up an internal family that can impact your overall mental health.
IFS therapists get to know all the harmful components and help you address them so you can break free of their control over your life. Confronting and breaking free from sub-personalities happens during IFS therapy.
You Get to Know the Types of Sub-Personalities
There are two main types of sub-personalities, the self and the parts. The self is your natural personality, the good aspects of your personality. When you are in control, you are balanced, happy, and healthy. The self represents confidence, independence, and compassion for others and yourself.
The self has various parts, consisting of the exiles, managers, and firefighter sub-personalities. When they are in balance, they support the self in feeling good. When out of balance, however, the parts cause you distress. The parts intend to protect you from what you have endured.
Exiles hold memories, including traumatic events from your past. It can be overwhelming to think about these memories all at once. So, the exiles suppress them in your memory. It is difficult to suppress the exiles forever, though. Eventually, they make their way out and create an imbalance in your system.
Managers want to control exiles, so you don’t ever feel overwhelmed. They want to stop the pain you feel by controlling the exiles. Negative self-talk sounds more like criticisms you may hear from a negative person in your life. You may even start to believe the comments you hear.
Firefighters appear when the managers are not able to control the exiles. Think of pain as a fire. Each time an exile gets you to focus on your pain, the flames burn higher. Firefighters want to put out the pain, and they will resort to any tactic. They will even get you to participate in negative behaviors like misusing alcohol if it masks the pain.
You Can Let Go of the Past
When the unhealthy sub-personalities of your mind outweigh the healthy, you have an imbalance. The goal of IFST is to rebalance the sub-personalities, eliminating any mental health issues that may be holding you back. Your treatment goal with a therapist is to help the self regain control and become a leader for all the other sub-personalities.
Your therapist can help you do this through an unburdening process in which you learn to let go of past hurts and move forward. Because the parts or sub-personalities cause mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression, the primary goal is to reduce or eliminate your mental health symptoms.
There is a Proven Model That Works
Internal conflicts represent unhealthy sub-personalities. They can cause you to feel stuck in a particular cycle and can’t seem to stop feeling emotions that hold you back, like shame, guilt, perfectionism, and more.
To finally put these emotions aside, your therapist will walk you through a series of steps called “the 6 Fs”, including the following:
Find: Step one instructs you to find the part of your body affected by a sub-personality. If you have anxiety, you may notice aches in your stomach or a change in your digestive processes. If you are depressed, you may feel pain in your joints. Every person will have different reactions.
Next, you will determine if the exile, manager, or firefighter is causing the distress. If you hear critical comments about yourself, the manager is trying to take control. If you can’t stop thinking about past trauma or have nightmares or flashbacks, you are dealing with the exile.
Focus: Step two involves focusing on the internal part and the area you are hurting. Your therapist will help you get to a point where you are not easily distracted and maintain focus.
Flesh out: In step three, you give details about the sub-personality and how it is affecting you mentally and physically. You will describe it in detail.
Feel: Step four involves discussing your feelings towards the sub-personality and what it is doing to your life. It’s crucial to only discuss your feelings.
BeFriend: Rather than kicking out the enemy known as your sub-personality, you will get to know them better. You spend time asking the part personal questions about where it came from, the job it is doing, and if it wants to be released.
Fear: Parts or sub-personalities react out of fear. They are protecting you in some way, even if it is in a negative way. In the final step, you will discover what the part fears and why. What do they think will happen if they go away? A typical thought is that something worse will happen. For example, someone may have a panic disorder that prevents them from social events. The fear is that if the person did not have panic attacks, they would go to a social event and be humiliated by their peers. Therefore, panic attacks are doing a good thing.
Other Benefits of IFST
One of the greatest benefits of internal family systems therapy is that it focuses on strengths and believes anyone can change their unhealthy parts into healthy ones. Balance and harmony can be achieved internally.
IFST also teaches you self-awareness and how to take responsibility for your actions. You also learn to allow the self to take on a leadership role. It teaches you how to take care of yourself and have self-compassion.
IFST reduces anxiety and depression, improves relationships, and lets you hone your problem-solving skills.
In conclusion, you can start experiencing the benefits of internal family systems therapy by reaching out to a licensed marriage and family therapist. You can even start today by contacting them by phone or online.