Being a couple means two people are joined together in a relationship. Couples may be dating, engaged, married, or separated. The relationship involves two people committing to one another and doing what it takes to make the relationship successful.
Anytime two different people form a relationship, expect ups and downs, some more than others. It is natural and normal for two people from different cultures and backgrounds to "clash" on some issues. Unfortunately, there are no classes to take growing up that teach couples the proper way to "clash." And yes, there is a healthy way.
Without the right relationship skills, small arguments turn into knockdown blowouts. Tension builds, communication stops, and the disconnection between you grows.
It doesn’t have to be this way, however. Couples counseling is an option that can begin as soon as today.
What is Couples Counseling?
Couples counseling is for any relationship, from dating to those who are engaged and want premarital advice. It is for those who have been married for one year or fifty years. It can even help couples who have separated and are thinking about divorce.
You will meet with a licensed marriage and family therapist, a specialist who provides treatments geared towards helping couples. You will both be heard in a non-judgmental, safe, confidential environment and resolve issues as a team.
When you participate fully in couples counseling, you will experience many benefits, like the ones below.
Improve Communication
Communication involves more than the words you speak to your partner. It includes body language, texting, phone calls, and, yes, talking. Communication involves language, tone, and intent.
A couples counselor can teach you the steps of healthy communication. You can learn how to listen, reflect, and respect one another, even when you disagree. Improving communication helps you address more minor issues so they do not build up and cause more significant stress later.
Learning communication skills in premarital counseling can genuinely benefit your relationship long-term.
Heal the Past
You and your partner have old emotional wounds that need to resolve without making the other feel guilt, shame, or pain. A couples counselor can help you work through the past issues so you can forgive your loved one and move forward. You no longer must suppress the hurts you’ve been hanging on to for months or years.
Enhance Intimacy
Being intimate brings a closeness to your relationship that you only share with your partner. At the beginning of your relationship, intimacy is great. As time goes on and life happens, like children, finances, in-laws, and personal changes, intimacy may fade.
Working with a counselor, you can learn specific steps to improve intimacy and get back the closeness you once felt. You can learn how to put the same effort into the intimacy that you did in the beginning. Premarital counseling can help prevent future intimacy issues.
Change the Routine
Couples who have been together for a while can fall into the same old pattern of behaviors. From your morning routine until you fall asleep at night, it’s always the same. Routines have benefits, but they can also make you feel bored and wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else.
Making small changes in your routine that give you more time together will improve your relationship.
Have Fun Together
Whether you are engaged or married for years, you must have fun together. Fun times equals laughter and great memories. Your goal should be to outweigh negative relationship memories with happy, positive ones.
Fun activities do not happen to couples, though. You cannot sit around and wait for the fun to show up at the door. You must work together and plan ways to enjoy yourself. Get creative. Think bucket lists. Your counselor can offer many ideas and activities that are not only fun but therapeutic.
Set Couple Goals
If you feel like you and your spouse are on two different pages in life, you may be right. You can fix it, though. Getting on the same page can happen by setting goals together. What are activities you have always wanted to do? What are financial goals? How do you want to parent children? Where do you want to be in ten years?
There are hundreds of questions you can answer together to help you get back on the same page. Your counselor can teach you how to set long-term and short-term goals and create steps to help you reach your couple's goals.
Practice Self-Care
It probably feels like the right thing to do is put the needs of others ahead of your own needs. You may feel guilty when you do something nice for yourself. Sometimes you think going to the doctor is selfish.
You cannot give the best of yourself to anyone else unless you are healthy mentally and physically. You need to practice self-care if you feel tired after work and want to go home and watch television. Or if you feel overwhelmed, have a hard time saying “no” to others, and skip doctor appointments despite having physical aches and pains.
By attending counseling, you and your spouse can learn tips on practicing self-care so that it benefits the whole family.
Learn Stress Management and Relaxation
You and your partner encounter numerous stressors daily. Rather than coping with them, you keep pushing yourself. By the time you get home, you are full of stress and cannot feel relaxed no matter what you try.
You both need to learn stress management techniques that help you cope with the stressor immediately rather than carrying it around all day. Simple relaxation techniques will lead to significant improvements in your interactions with your partner.
In conclusion, marriage counseling can benefit all couples, even those who think their relationship is not salvageable. The rewards listed above are just a few examples of how your relationship can flourish. The best time to start counseling is now. It is never too early or too late to seek help taking your relationship to the next level.