If you’re concerned about your relationship and want to try exploring marriage counseling, you probably have a few questions.
In this article, we’re taking a closer look at what to expect from marriage counseling?
What to Expect from Marriage Counseling?
So, you’ve been chugging along in your marriage. You make it through your daily routines. You arrive home too exhausted to engage with your partner. You argue more than you make love. There are no more butterflies and no more spontaneous adventures.
Your marriage is just “occurring” and you have both contemplated separation and divorce. Is this what you really want?
Your answer could be like many other couples who are struggling in their marriage and not sure where to turn for help. Then there are the couples who were struggling to find a solution. They sought help from a marriage counselor.
Your first thoughts may be anxious ones. You are not sure if you need a marriage counselor. You do not know if marriage counseling works. You do not want to tell a stranger about your troubles. You do not know if your partner will attend. You do not want to admit your marriage is in trouble or that you are struggling because asking for help is not something you typically do.
These thoughts are normal.
In fact, a study completed by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, over 90 percent of participants were satisfied with the results of couples counseling. They also stated they received needed tools to help their relationship thrive. Some report going to a marriage counselor helped them end their marriage.
Seeking help is not a sign of failure but is a sign of strength. Recognizing the problem is the first step in positive changes in yourself and in your marriage.
Keep reading to learn more about what will be expected in marriage counseling.
The First Session May Feel Awkward
Remember when you first met your spouse? You may remember it as being a little awkward. It was awkward because you didn’t really know each other yet. It was your first meeting and you weren’t sure how to act or what to say.
The same may be true for your first counseling session as a couple. You may think you will not reveal too much. You do not know what the therapist may be interested in hearing.
This is okay. All you must do is show up. The therapist will help you through the rest of the first session, which will be an hour or more of just getting to know one another. Your therapist will ask questions and if you are comfortable answering them, do so.
This is not a bashing session, where you both do what you can to make the other look bad. Instead, stay focused on getting to know your therapist and learning how he or she will be able to help you. You can think of it as a time to interview your therapist, as well as answering questions about your marriage.
If you feel like the therapist is a good fit for you and your partner, you will continue into the next stages of therapy.
Determine Your Purpose
Your marriage counselor will help you and your spouse determine the reasons you are seeking therapy. If your purpose is to save your marriage, your counselor will explore the reasons and what you are willing to do to save the marriage.
If your purpose is to end your marriage, your therapist will help you explore your intentions and develop a plan to separate through a healthy process.
If you do not know your purpose yet, your counselor will help you find it. They will do this using a variety of methods, possibly including homework.
Homework
Before you start having thoughts of late nights completing assignments and getting graded, know that homework in therapy is a lot different.
Your therapist will challenge you and your partner to implement the tools you learn while in therapy. For example, if you are learning how to communicate better, your therapist may assign an activity during the week that involves you and your partner finding new ways to listen or talk or both.
Homework assignments allow you to practice between sessions and if you struggle, spend more time in therapy working on those issues. These and other activities are geared to help facilitate change.
Change Will Happen
If you show up and participate in marriage counseling, and want change, you will change. No, you cannot change your spouse. But the more you change, and the more you learn to react to your spouse differently, more appropriately, this shift could result in facilitating change in your partner or spouse.
As you grow and develop as a person, your marriage will grow and develop.
Other changes can be in how you view the relationship, an increase in communication, a decrease in emotional distress and a mutual understanding of healthy relationships.
Setting and Reaching Goals
With your marriage counselor, you will set and achieve goals both personally and as a couple. Working on yourself during this time is just as important as working on your relationship. Your marriage counselor will likely want to meet with both of you individually and as a couple.
Together, you will set short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals will be focused on what you want to happen in your marriage in the next six months or less. You may want to have more intimacy, go on a road trip, or get healthier.
You will learn how to develop the steps that will lead you to successfully reaching your goals.
Long-term goals are what you want to happen in a year, five years or longer. Long-term goals can be anything from having a child, moving to a new home, traveling more or spending more time together at home.
Your therapist will help you ensure all your goals are realistic and achievable and beneficial to you and your relationship.
In conclusion, if you were able to fix the issues in your marriage on your own, you would have already done so. A marriage counselor is trained specifically to teach you the skills to assist in healing your relationship.
Join the numerous other couples in counseling and start seeing the positive changes you desire and deserve.