Marriage counseling is for all couples, you do not have to be experiencing bad times to seek guidance from a relationship specialist. Think of it more as a learning experience where you can gain skills to improve your relationship.
To prepare for marriage counseling, make a list of questions to ask in marriage counseling. When making your list, you may start with questions like the following:
Do we have more problems than other couples?
Are we destined for divorce?
Are our problems silly?
Can you change my spouse?
Most people ask questions like these. The answer to all of them is “no.” All couples have problems, just different types. You and your spouse can work hard to save your marriage. No problems are silly. The only person that can change your spouse is your spouse. However, as you make positive changes in yourself, your spouse will likely change too.
Go beyond the initial questions that come to mind. Work with your spouse to create a list of questions that will make a difference in your relationship, like the 15 examples listed below.
1. What is Our Most Important Issue?
Going to marriage counseling means you are already working on the most important issue, to make your relationship a priority. Taking this first step makes it easier to answer your other questions. Your therapist will help you prioritize your relationship issues and together, work through them.
2. Are We Committed to Working On Our Relationship?
For relationships to improve, both of you must dedicate effort and time. You must both be willing to change. Marriage counseling incorporates homework assignments through which you can practice the techniques you learn outside of counseling. If only one person participates, you may grow further apart.
3. Do We Communicate Well?
Communication between couples happens in many forms, including verbal, body language, email, texts, and silence. Improving communication skills, like learning to listen and engage, can improve all areas of your relationship.
4. Are We Satisfied with Our Level of Intimacy?
Intimacy is so much more than sex. It involves emotional and physical connections. Various life events can alter intimacy. Learning how to adapt as life changes occur can strengthen intimacy in your relationship.
5. Do We Trust Each Other?
Trust can be broken with various behaviors, such as romantic or financial infidelity. Even when you both trust one another, a marriage counselor has techniques to help you create a deeper bond.
6. Who is Affected by Our Relationship?
It’s easy to think your relationship as a couple only affects you. However, this is not true. The health of your relationship, good or bad, affects your family, friends, and coworkers.
7. What Are Our Unresolved Conflicts?
Even though you don’t want to hold onto memories of times when you were hurt, marriage therapists can help you work through the memories to move forward without grudges. You can also learn effective conflict resolution skills.
8. What Are Our Expectations for Each Other?
Someone can’t live up to your expectations if they don’t know what you expect. Also, you can’t change your expectations if you don’t know the limits of your spouse. In counseling, you can work through these expectations and create a plan to meet them.
9. What Are Our Family Roles?
Who cooks, cleans, earns money, or takes care of the finances? These and many other roles should be divided equally between you and your spouse. When one person does most of the tasks, the other is left feeling overwhelmed, angry, and lonely. You can rebalance family duties with the help of a therapist.
10. Are Our Needs Being Met?
Are you receiving the affection you need from your spouse? Do you have needs like validation, appreciation, safety, respect, or humor that are not being met? Marriage counseling is a safe place where you and your spouse can discuss ways to start fulfilling one another’s needs and back up your words with a plan of action.
11. Should We Spend More or Less Time Together?
It’s hard to find that perfect amount of time to spend together and apart. However, it is essential to maintain healthy independence and interdependence in your relationship. Too much together time can lead to more arguing or getting on each other’s nerves. Those little annoyances become deal breakers. At the same time, too much time apart can lead to a lack of trust, intimacy, and connectedness. There are proven ways to find a healthy balance.
12. In What Areas Have Our Views Changed?
When you first married, you may have been on the same page with religion, parenting, retirement, education, career, social activities, and in-laws. Life circumstances, whether in your control or not, can change your goals and outlook on certain factors. Now it’s time to get back on the same page and learn how to compromise if you disagree.
13. What Are Our Strengths?
You are together for a reason. Each of you has strengths as an individual. Then you have strengths as a couple. Marriage counseling helps you explore your strengths and learn how to use them to improve your relationship, even if it is great.
14. What Can I Do to Improve Our Relationship?
One key to improving a relationship is improving yourself. You must make your physical and mental health a priority. You won’t have much to give to the relationship if you are unhealthy. In marriage counseling, you can learn more about self-care and why it is crucial to the health of your relationships.
15. Where Do We Start?
Reaching out for an appointment and showing up for marriage counseling is all you must do to get started. Your therapist will explain the process, expectations, and benefits for you and your spouse. Also, don’t wait to seek help. Marriage counseling has advantages for all couples, whether they are preparing to marry or have been married for decades.
Give your relationship the attention it deserves by working with a marriage and family therapist.