The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports one in five adults grew up with a relative with an alcohol use disorder. Because there are genetic and environmental components to developing an addiction, many children of alcoholics become dependent on substances also. They become part of a cycle that can run in families for generations.
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics claims there are nearly 27 million children of alcoholics in America. Also, 43% of American adults have been exposed to a family member with an alcohol use disorder.
Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent or Guardian
Too many adult children of an alcoholic (ACOA) face the other adverse effects of an alcohol use disorder, including physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. They also suffer from mental health disorders at higher rates than non-adult children of alcoholics.
Living with an alcoholic is like experiencing a traumatic event repeatedly. The trauma shapes and interferes with all areas of a person’s life, including school, career, social relationships, self-image, marriage, and parenting. It can also lead to an adult child of an alcoholic developing a substance use disorder.
Adult Child of an Alcoholic and PTSD
Adult children of alcoholics exhibit symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. They tend to constantly prepare for something wrong to happen, a sign of an anxiety disorder called hypervigilance.
Some ACOAs have trouble regulating and expressing proper emotions. They were never taught or modeled this by their parent with an alcohol use disorder. This inability becomes a significant problem in romantic relationships and parent-child relationships.
The mental health of an ACOA suffers, and a rise in depressive or anxiety symptoms occurs. At the same time, their self-esteem decreases. Other trauma symptoms associated with living with an alcoholic parent include the following:
Avoids conflict
Acts or reacts impulsively
Fears change
Lacks boundaries
Tries to please everyone
Becomes easily irritated or angered
Embarrasses easily
Blames themselves
Risk Factors Affecting an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Each adult child of an alcoholic is impacted differently by their parent’s alcohol use disorder. Some ACOAs grow up and become independent, highly successful individuals with great relationships. Some grow up and find it impossible to keep a job or relationship. They lack the skills needed to be successful.
Most ACOAs fall somewhere in the middle of these two scenarios. The difference may be the number of risk factors present throughout their childhood and now as an adult.
Risk factors are dysfunctional events or experiences that influence negative outcomes in a person’s life. Risk factors can be biological, psychological, social, cultural, genetic, and environmental. Having a parent with an alcohol use disorder means there is a genetic risk factor. Being abused by an alcoholic adult represents psychological and environmental risk factors. Growing up in a neighborhood where alcohol and drug misuse are more common are social and environmental risk factors.
When the number of risk factors outweighs the number of protective factors, adverse outcomes become more likely.
Protective Factors to Heal an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Protective factors are the healthy events and experiences that influence positive outcomes in a person’s life. Increasing protective factors in adult children who grew up with an alcoholic parent or guardian aid in the healing process.
Psychological illnesses can heal by adding psychological protective factors. For example, if you suffer from anxiety, you can receive medications, psychotherapies, or a combination of the two that reduce anxiety symptoms. You can attend individual and group therapies and peer support groups, like Al-Anon, to further your healing.
Evidence-based therapies for healing mental health conditions are associated with being an adult child of an alcoholic.
Four Steps for Adult Children of Alcoholics
The National Association for Children of Addiction claims there are four essential steps an adult child of an alcoholic must take to begin healing. It starts with learning you have the right to feel the way you do, and you have the right to talk about your experiences.
Too often, dysfunctional families set unspoken and unhealthy rules everyone must follow, like don’t talk about family problems to anyone. Others include being taught to put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, do whatever you can to avoid conflict, and don’t express your feelings.
Adult children of alcoholics are expected to follow the rules without complaining or arguing. They are often perfectionists, even though they will likely never hear their parents compliment them or show pride. They are expected to obey and respect their addicted parents even though they may not deserve it.
Step 1: Explore Past History
Exploring history means discovering why you were a child of an alcoholic. Something happened to your parent that led to their addiction. List the ways you were affected by your parent’s drinking. Do not minimize your experiences or their behaviors. Simply accept them as true so you can move on.
Step 2: Connect the Past to the Present
Now that you know why you are an adult child of an alcoholic, you must figure out how the pain from your past influences your life today. How does it affect your current relationships, parenting style, work habits, and social connections?
Step 3: Challenge Internalized Beliefs
Not being able to say “no,” thinking your opinion doesn’t matter, feeling like the world owes you something, and assuming everyone wants to take advantage of you are a few examples of damaging internalized beliefs. Changing your thought patterns is a vital part of the healing process. With individual and group therapies, you can see a lot of progress in a short period.
Step 4: Learn New Skills
You can learn the skills necessary to heal and thrive in therapy, such as coping, emotional regulation, conflict resolution, self-esteem, and setting boundaries.
Making yourself a priority is not selfish. You are not bad if you focus on healing your emotional wounds. You deserve healing, and you can start the process today by reaching out for help. Don’t wait. You deserve it.