Marriage is a union between two people, a commitment that shows they want to join together in all aspects of their lives. Many tend to think dating, getting engaged, and planning the wedding are the hard parts of marriage. However, it is after the marriage that the real work begins.
Marriage can be exciting and joyous at times. It can also be challenging. Learning marriage skills as a couple is a great way to establish a plan for handling life’s ups and downs together.
Couples therapy is one of the best ways to learn marriage skills such as communication, conflict resolution, and setting healthy boundaries. Couples therapy is not the answer every time there is a problem in your relationship. Receiving individual therapy may help you see better outcomes in a quicker time.
What is Individual Therapy for a Marriage?
Individual therapy generally means meeting with a licensed therapist at least once a week until you meet your therapy goals. Individual therapy for a marriage may be the best choice for someone whose partner is not interested in going to marriage therapy. It is also the perfect place to work on individual issues that may contribute to relationship problems.
For example, if you have a gambling problem. Attending couples therapy will help your relationship, but you must also learn individual coping skills to avoid future gambling issues. Or if one partner has been unfaithful, not only will you benefit from learning how to reconnect as a couple, one of you must learn how to forgive and move forward, and the other must learn how to avoid infidelity in the future. Individual therapy helps.
Benefits of Individual Therapy for a Marriage
Working with a licensed marriage and family therapist in individual therapy is beneficial. It can help you better understand your role in your marriage. It gives you a safe, confidential space to say what you want without fear of judgment. You can learn coping skills, the importance of self-care, and personal areas for improvement.
You may be wondering if you can learn how to change your partner. The answer is “no.” However, by changing yourself in individual therapy, your partner will be forced to change also. If you and your partner fight daily and you learn to disengage and avoid a conflict, your partner will have to choose a different response to being angry. It is challenging to sustain an argument with yourself.
Other benefits of individual therapy for marriage include the following:
Boosts your self-esteem
Improves decision-making skills
Helps you build a support system
Teaches you how to cope with personal mental health issues
Individual Therapy Techniques That Help a Marriage
Techniques used by licensed marriage and family therapists vary based on your relationship’s needs. When working with you individually, many therapists choose cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as a therapeutic basis because it is evidence-based for positive outcomes in individual and couples counseling. Individual sub-therapies include dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to teach you how to live in the moment and be mindful of what you need to tolerate distress, regulate emotions, and improve relationships.
Rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) is an early form of CBT that teaches you to recognize negative thought patterns and irrational beliefs. You learn to replace self-defeating thoughts with healthy ones. In a relationship, negative thought patterns can lead to arguments, distrust, and division.
Motivational interviewing (MI) helps you find the internal motivation to make the changes needed in your life to become healthy physically and psychologically. You discover many reasons for change, then start by taking small steps. MI helps motivate people to enter recovery, adhere to medication regimens, stop smoking, follow a specific diet, etc. Taking care of your physical and mental health is something only you can do, but your choices can impact your marriage.
Who Needs Individual Therapy in a Marriage?
Anyone can benefit from working with an individual therapist, even before you marry and encounter life’s struggles. Individual therapy is a resource for learning skills that enhance your relationships.
In a marriage, specific issues arise that signify a need for individual therapy. For example, if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorders and do not receive treatment, your marriage will be affected. Untreated mental health disorders can lead to arguments, lack of intimacy, and communication problems.
Additional reasons to seek individual therapy to help your marriage include the following:
Finding yourself and your identity is often needed because some people feel like they take on their spouse’s identity when getting married. You don’t have to lose everything you love and believe in. Individual therapy can teach you how to make healthy compromises.
Living with another person all the time will lead to your buttons being pushed or them getting on your nerves. It doesn’t have to turn into an argument, however. In individual therapy, you can learn to recognize triggers and communicate your needs to your partner.
Dealing with past trauma is essential for a healthy marriage. If you were sexually abused and never dealt with it, it can affect your romantic and intimate relationships. You must face past traumas appropriately so you can move forward.
Being raised as an only child raised by a single parent, then marrying into a large family that likes to be together all the time can be stressful. Or, if you are a social butterfly but your spouse is a loner, you may find your feelings being hurt and arguing over your social life. Individual therapy can teach you how to reach agreements that make both of you happy.
Finding an Individual Therapist
If you are ready to try individual therapy, take some simple steps to ensure you find the right therapist. You want to find a licensed marriage and family therapist who also specializes in personal issues you may have, such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or addiction. A good therapist will include your spouse in an occasional therapy session to ensure you get on the same page in making your marriage successful.