If you are in a relationship with someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, you may feel like you are on a roller coaster of emotions. One day your partner is fun and kind, the next day they are vicious and abusive. One day you are in love and happy, while the next day, you may want to end the relationship altogether.
This is normal, and you are not alone.
Addiction affects millions of couples daily. There is something you can do about it, though.
Behavioral couples therapy has been shown to decrease the amount of alcohol and drugs consumed and increase positive behaviors that support healthy relationships.
Let us dig deeper into the meaning and methods of behavioral couples therapy and determine how working with a Chemical Dependency Specialist can benefit your family.
What is Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT)?
Behavioral Couples Therapy is a type of therapy with two main goals: assist the person with an addiction to alcohol or drugs in getting sober or clean and into recovery; and teach both of you positive behaviors that support a person’s recovery journey so they can remain abstinent.
However, BCT is not all about them (the one with the addiction). Because addiction can cause problems, and negative emotions like resentment and anger, BCT therapists can help you overcome these so you can move forward in a happier mindset.
You can learn to praise and reward abstinence, and your partner can learn to make your relationship a priority rather than their addiction. The goal is to change how you interact with one another so you can experience a healthy, loving, fun relationship.
BCT History
The first study in behavioral couples therapy was conducted in 1973 when operant conditioning was making its way onto the mental health scene. The theory is based on changing behaviors to foster improvements in your life.
This was also when researchers began talking more about addiction and the fact that it is a brain disorder rather than an immoral choice. Helping couples understand why addiction happens is an essential part of the process. It eliminates blame and misunderstandings.
Addiction is a family disease, including enabling and co-dependent members. BCT helps every member of a family learn new ways of behaving to support recovery.
What Happens in BCT?
If you or your spouse are addicted to alcohol or drugs, the first step is to obtain treatment and get sober or clean. BCT can not happen until everyone is sober or clean because you are not thinking clearly when your brain is altered with substances. Plus, the therapist must compete with your brain's cravings, making it impossible to benefit from BCT fully.
So, once sober or clean, BCT can begin. Most couples attend BCT for several months; the length of treatment can vary depending on your specific relationship needs.
Many BCT couples are given the assignment of creating contracts in the beginning. Contracts are written up and include positive activities that can make your relationship better and help the addict stay sober.
Examples of contract actions may include weekly drug and alcohol testing, attending support groups together, participating in fun activities together; affirmations to each other and yourself; and keeping a vision board or calendar or both so that you can see your progress daily.
Specific Goals of BCT Therapists
Your chemical dependency specialist will provide behavioral couples therapy. They are professionals with specific goals in mind. Reaching these goals will significantly benefit your relationship.
Addictions will be dealt with first. As mentioned before, those must be removed before moving on to other goals.
Many therapists will then deal with negative emotions like anger. Addiction does not bring couples closer together. Instead, it creates distance. It makes you mad, sad, hopeless and defeated. You bring those emotions into therapy sessions. Your therapist will offer a safe space where you can express your genuine feelings and be heard by your spouse. Therapists can help you diffuse your negative emotions, let them go, and move forward.
Your BCT therapist will not take sides. They will act more like a coach or teacher, helping you acquire the skills you need to maintain a sober household and improve your relationship. Skills like communication, monitoring cravings, problem-solving, and building a support system are just a few examples.
BCT and Domestic Violence
Alcohol and drugs change the brain's structure. In some, it can make a person more aggressive, even abusive, towards their partner. You may have heard people refer to someone they love as an "angry drunk" or "mean junkie."
Both drug and alcohol addiction and withdrawal can make a normally calm, gentle person angry and violent.
Behavioral couples therapy has been studied for decades. Many reports claim domestic violence is significantly reduced in couples who partake in BCT.
BCT’s Snowball Effect
Let us say your typical response to your partner is to start an argument, yell obscenities, and avoid them for several days. Your reaction causes your partner to want to drink or use drugs more. It causes your children to withdraw and experience negative emotions. It even prompts health dangers with increased blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety.
This is an example of a snowball effect, where your behavior influences the behaviors of others.
What is so great is that BCT will change how you respond to a negative situation, and your positive reactions will create a positive snowball effect.
You can choose to respond (or don’t respond) in a healthy way that will impact your kids and family members in a positive way.
BCT teaches you how to recognize and reward positive actions too. Positive rewards are an excellent way to get people to continue positive behaviors. Rewarding your spouse for remaining abstinent is an example of supporting their clean or sober time.
In conclusion, BCT can improve confidence, intimacy, interpersonal interaction, honesty, trust, and even financial problems. It can reduce physical, verbal, or emotional abuse and violence. It can eliminate codependency by establishing healthy boundaries.
If your family needs help with any of these problems, reach out to a licensed chemical dependency specialist.