You’ve met “the one,” your partner, your significant other, your better half. You envision your future filled with laughter and adventures and feel in love till death do you part. You raise three children to be successful citizens, never argue with in-laws, and do so well financially that you can help those less fortunate.
This is the dream of most newly engaged couples. Unfortunately, it is just a dream. There will be challenges to face individually and as a couple. How you handle the challenges contributes to the length and satisfaction of your marriage.
What many couples do wrong is wait for the challenge to arise before deciding how to handle it. This doesn’t work because you and your spouse are two different people from different backgrounds and cultures. Even couples with many commonalities will encounter differences after marriage.
Couples counseling can give your relationship greater odds of success. In fact, 30% higher odds, according to studies. Because 93% of Americans report being in a happy marriage is one of their primary life goals, doing everything you can before saying I do is crucial.
Quick Facts About Premarital Couples Counseling
When you think of couples counseling, you may picture two unhappy people telling their sides of a problem to a stranger for months to try and salvage a relationship. This is far from what couples counseling is, especially premarital couples counseling. Here are some quick facts:
Many counseling sessions last eight sessions or less, but the majority are less than six months
Millennials are the group that attend couples counseling the most, then baby boomers and Gen-Xers
Most couples enter counseling three to five years after marriage
The cost of premarital counseling can range between $100 - $200 per session, a very low-cost investment with huge returns for your marriage
Each session lasts between 50 and 1 hour and 40 minutes
Evening and weekend appointments are available
Online sessions are usually available for some of the sessions
Premarital counseling is more like an educational class where you learn more about each other and new skills to prepare for challenges
The Goal of Premarital Couples Counseling
You and your future spouse have likely already encountered minor bumps in the road. You’ve been able to navigate them together successfully. After marriage, the bumps become more prominent, and sometimes, you can’t get on the same page with your partner, and resolution is harder to reach.
Premarital couples counseling aims to help you get to know your significant other on a deeper level and teach you how to overcome obstacles that may appear after marriage.
Getting to Know Your Partner on a Deeper Level
Even if you have been dating for years, you can still get to know your partner better. Sure, you know the basics, like their favorite everything, hobbies, religious beliefs, and how they get along with their family. In premarital counseling, you can explore the why behind what you already know and much more. For example, if they don’t speak to their parents, why? How will their non-relationship affect your relationship and your children?
Also, suppose you are marrying someone with different religious beliefs. This may not be an issue now, but in which religion will you choose to raise your children?
Other Questions to help you dig deeper:
What are your long-term and short-term personal goals? Couple goals?
How many children do they want, if any?
Who will work and have a career? After children are born?
How do you feel about infidelity (adultery, financial, etc.)? How will you handle it?
What do you expect each other to do around the home, in the bedroom, for birthdays, etc.?
Where do you want to live (location, type of home, etc.)?
How do you feel about debt, addiction, death, burial, organ donation, healthcare, etc.?
What are the values and beliefs you are unwilling to change?
While getting to know one another better, your premarital counselor will introduce skills that can reduce the power of the obstacles you may face.
Skills to Prepare You for Marriage
Most couples have different ways of dealing with issues. But you will find there are proven ways to effectively handle matters as a couple that significantly differ from how you may deal with them as an individual. Premarital counseling teaches you, as a couple, how to do the following using step-by-step guidelines:
Improve verbal and non-verbal communication
Manage stress
Resolve conflicts
Keep intimacy a priority
Set healthy boundaries
Nurture your relationship
Work as a team
Forgive
Handle differences
Make critical decisions as a couple
If issues are specific to your relationship, premarital counseling is a place to resolve them, so they don’t get carried into your marriage.
Finding the Right Premarital Couples Counselor
Finding the right premarital couples counselor involves much more than searching “marriage therapist near me” online. It takes a little bit of research. You want to find the best match for you and your partner. Treat the search for a therapist like a job interview. You are, essentially, hiring someone to do a job effectively and efficiently.
You can quickly narrow your search by eliminating any therapist who does not specialize and is not licensed in marriage and family counseling. Contacting the remaining therapists on your list is part of the process, but it can be a brief call with specific questions. A good premarital counselor will welcome your questions because they want to ensure you find the right one also.
Interview questions:
Are you married? You want someone that genuinely understands
Where did you receive your education? Accredited universities are recommended
How long have you been a therapist?
What methods do you use to help premarital couples?
What will be expected of us in premarital counseling?
After talking to different therapists, one will likely stand out to you and your partner. What you put into premarital counseling influences what you get out of it. Make your future marriage a priority by learning how to be more successful before saying I do.