Do you wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with? It is like you woke up one day to find yourself with a partner you barely recognize. The habits you thought were cute at the beginning of the relationship are now driving you crazy. The factors that played a role in falling in love have stopped, leaving both of you feeling uncertain about your future together.
Some people feel it is easier to divorce and start over. However, the divorce rate of second or third marriages is higher than that of first marriages. You do not have to be a statistic. Rather than start planning your escape or envisioning your life without your partner, consider falling back in love to rekindle your broken relationship.
Below are powerful ways to help you become the couple in love and ready to take on life together.
The Power of Thought
What you think becomes your reality. Studies show you can have 6,000 thoughts per day. Unfortunately, most thoughts are negative, including ones about your spouse. If you have hundreds of negative thoughts about someone, you will begin to think of them badly. Do you notice unfinished chores or completed ones when you get home from work? Do you look at your finances expecting to find errors or unnecessary purchases by your spouse?
Thoughts like these will grow and expand into all areas of your marriage. They will taint your view of your relationship. They may also lead to mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression.
The good news is that you have the choice of positive thinking. When a negative thought about your spouse enters your mind, immediately replace it with a positive thought. Over time you will begin to appreciate all your spouse's good qualities, and there are good qualities.
The Power of Getting Physical
Getting physical can mean many things, like exercising. Trying to rekindle a relationship means rediscovering intimacy. If your relationship is broken, likely, you are no longer having meaningful, intimate moments with your spouse. It does not have to be this way, however.
You can reintroduce physical intimacy into your relationship with various activities, from simple touching or holding hands to meeting sexual needs. Hugging, kissing, snuggling, and other forms of physical contact release oxytocin in the brain, chemicals that make you feel closer. Oxytocin is often called "the love hormone."
Broken relationships often occur because you feel like you have drifted apart. At the same time, your physical contact has drastically decreased. Start finding ways to touch your spouse in nonsexual as wekk as sexual practices. Do not be afraid to flirt again.
The Power of Science
Falling in love involves science. It is true. When you are attracted to someone, the "feel good" chemical dopamine is released in the brain. You get a sense of pleasure and reward that lead to desire. You want more of what makes you feel good.
It is almost like your brain tricks you in the beginning. It only allows you to see the good qualities. As your relationship progresses and life gets busy, your brain releases fewer feel-good chemicals. You can get this back by switching up your routine and introducing new dopamine-producing activities in your relationship.
Have a detailed conversation about intimacy, spend more time flirting, take a road trip, work on your bucket list, and regularly date like you did when you first met.
The Power of Giving
Giving has proven psychological and physiological benefits. It makes you feel happy and boosts your self-esteem. You feel rewarded when you do something that pleases your partner. You will notice that when you start giving, your spouse will start giving back to you. Studies show generous couples have longer-lasting marriages.
In your relationship, giving means more than buying a gift for your partner. It involves finding ways to nurture your relationship. Many couples are stuck in a routine that makes them feel like roommates rather than spouses—giving breaks up a routine. Start simple by giving at least five compliments to your spouse every day. Send your spouse a sweet text message during the day, or surprise them with a massage at the local spa, a day of golfing, or tickets to an exciting event.
Think about the things your spouse loves, listen to what they say they need, and give it to them. Generosity can be as simple as a refill of coffee, listening without interruption, or a favorite meal. Or it can be big, like a surprise road trip or vacation. The key is it must be something they desire, not you.
The Power of Forgiveness
Whether your relationship survives or not, forgiveness is a choice that can set you free emotionally. It is crucial when trying to fall back in love to rekindle a broken relationship. To forgive, you must be open to it. You commit to avoiding behaviors like bringing up hurt or betrayal when angry. You agree not to seek revenge and understand that forgiveness can take time.
If you are the one who made a mistake, you must be willing to ask for forgiveness and give your partner the time needed for healing. Not letting go will prevent you and your spouse from moving forward as a couple.
The Power of Professional Help
Licensed marriage and family therapists can help you find solutions to your problems. Using behavioral and family systems therapies, counselors can teach you and your spouse how to overcome most obstacles, including forgiveness, lack of intimacy, substance use disorders, financial issues, and much more.
They can help suggest specific activities to help you fall back in love to rekindle a broken relationship.
Take Away
You can start working with a therapist at any point in your relationship, like before marriage, to learn how to deal with issues or when you are considering divorce. Anytime is a good time to start. Consider not giving up on your marriage until you have learned and implemented techniques to become the couple you desire.