How to Stop Negative Self Talk
If you experience high levels of stress, lower levels of self-esteem, or symptoms of depression, it may be due to the tone of your internal monologue. This is also known as self-talk, and it can affect you in a damaging way if it leans toward negativity.
Negative self-talk usually occurs when you lack confidence in yourself, you criticize yourself too harshly, or you do not believe you are good enough at something.
In this article, you will discover how to stop negative self talk so you can feel good about who you are again.
How to Stop Negative Self Talk
We have all heard it. We have tried to ignore it but sometimes it becomes louder. Over time, we may even start to believe it. What is “it”? It is that inner voice, the one that tells us what we really think about ourselves.
It is called negative self-talk and too often, you hear things like, “you are not good enough” or “you will fail”.
Although these statements are false, we tend to pay attention to them, allowing it to affect our self-confidence.
There are several forms of negative self-talk. Understanding them can help you recognize if you are struggling with this problem, and if so, learn how to stop negative self talk.
Types of Negative Self-Talk
One form of negative self-talk is called personalizing. When something bad happens, you automatically blame yourself or think you were the cause of the bad event.
Another form of negative self-talk is when you automatically assume the worst. This is called catastrophizing. You think if one thing goes wrong in your day, then the rest of your day will be bad.
Filtering is a type of negative self-talk in which you filter out any positive things and only focus on the negative. For instance, if several people talk to you that day, one giving you negative feedback while five others give you compliments, you will only focus on the negative.
If you have polarizing negative self-talk, you only see things as black and white, good or bad, with anything in-between being unacceptable.
Negative self-talk can also take the form of mind-reading when we think we know what others are thinking of us. Or, we can both magnify or minimize the thoughts we have about ourselves. Labeling, or describing ourselves with extreme negativity is also damaging self-talk.
It is possible to stop negative self-talk. Below are just a few steps you can take to squash the negativity and begin allowing positivity into your life.
Name Your Critic
If you are going to listen to your inner voice, you may as well give it a name. This may sound weird, but researchers do suggest giving your inner voice a name, preferably a silly name, which can reduce its authority over you.
It is harder to believe a voice with a goofy name, and much easier to stop its negative self-talk.
Reframe the Statement
Small changes to a negative sentence can bring new meaning and a new feeling, one that is more positive. For example, if your inner voice says, “You are going to fail this test”, then you can reframe it by saying, “I may fail the test and I may not. And if I fail it is not the end of the world.”
To stop negative self-talk, put a positive spin on a negative statement.
Think Before You Think
Sometimes the thoughts that pop into your head are automatic, you do not even have time to create your own response.
Like when your spouse says, “We need to talk”. Many automatically think the meeting will be about something negative.
Instead of letting automatic, negative thoughts lead you, take a minute and just stop and remind yourself there could be both positive and negative outcomes. Focus more on the positive until you know different.
Separate True vs. Untrue Negative Statements
There are times when the negative inner voice may be correct in what it says. You are human and you cannot be the best all the time. So, if you hear your inner voice tell you that becoming the CEO of Google is not going to happen, well, that may be true.
While it is considered a negative statement, it is also realistic. Sometimes keeping it real can help you, not harm you.
It is important to be able to separate the two, realistic and unrealistic.
Be Grateful for All Things
You have many positive qualities that will shape your future self. These qualities will guide you in choosing a career, falling in love, and professional aspirations. Guess what? So, will any not so positive qualities you may have.
That is right. The traits you do not love about yourself, the traits your negative inner voice mentions, will also help shape your future self.
Therefore, it is important to be grateful for all the traits you have, because they have equal importance. Keep a gratitude journal and for every negative statement, you think about yourself, write something positive to counterbalance it.
This will become a habit over time when trying to stop negative self-talk, and before you know it, you will be thanking your inner voice for pointing out important traits that will lead to a great future.
Verify the Truth
Your inner voice may throw multiple negative statements your way. Some will be completely off the wall, while others may have a little bit of truth. Instead of just believing your inner voice, first, verify if the statements are even true. And be honest in your search for evidence.
If you hear, “you are obese”, there are specific steps you can take to see if that is true or not. You can analyze your body mass index, talk to a fitness instructor or your family doctor to get their opinions.
For some reason your doctor validates that you need to lose weight, you can start right then improving your health.
Seek Insight
There is nothing wrong in reaching out for help if you find yourself struggling to cope with your inner voice. Licensed mental health professionals can teach you many ways to overcome this issue.
They have therapeutic tools and techniques to help you. They provide a confidential, objective space where you can share your thoughts and learn how to stop negative self talk that can harm you.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many actions you can take today to stop negative self-talk. You deserve a life filled with positivity and encouragement. Learning to squash the untrue statements coming from your mind will help you focus on all the great things happening in your life.