When your partner decides to go to therapy alone, some common thoughts may cross your mind in the beginning. You may wonder why your partner thinks therapy is necessary or why they do not want you to join them. You may even wonder how you will get the therapist to tell you everything your partner said about you during sessions.
Let those thoughts cross and then exit your mind. Then start thinking of ways you can support your partner in therapy. Most likely, you are the one who has been encouraging them to seek help. You noticed they have not been as cheerful lately or are more withdrawn or not interested in participating in activities they once enjoyed. They may be having unexplained mood changes or having troubles at work.
Now that they are following through with your recommendation, your focus can be on supporting them through the process. Below are some helpful tips on how to show support.
Do Not Compete with The Therapist
You know your partner better than anybody. That does not mean you can diagnose them with a mental health disorder. If your partner discusses their therapy, you may find the therapist's opinion differs from your opinion.
It is not a good idea to disagree with the therapist's assessment and recommendations when supporting your partner in therapy. Individual therapists spend many years of education and professional training to ensure they get it right. They also use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition, which outlines specific criteria for diagnoses.
Communicate with Boundaries
It is not appropriate to ask your partner for a rundown of everything said in their therapy session. It is essential you know how to communicate with boundaries when supporting your partner in therapy. Let your spouse determine how much they want to reveal from the session.
Some days they may want to discuss everything with you, and other days they may not want to talk about therapy at all. Do not mistake their lack of sharing with your relationship. Sometimes people just do not want to talk about it.
Ask your partner how their therapy session went, and then let them lead the conversation. If they do not want to talk about it, do not push it. Respect their boundaries, do not take it personally, and continue to let them know you are proud they are seeking help.
Practice Self-Care
One of the best ways to support your partner in therapy is to practice self-care. You cannot fully support them unless you are mentally and physically healthy. It is likely they are learning from their therapist about the importance of self-care. You can start implementing techniques to improve your health as they are doing the same.
Self-care means making your mental and physical health a priority. It is time to have body aches, and pains checked out by your doctor. It is time to get that long-overdue massage, gym membership, and individual therapy of your own.
Be Patient
Your spouse will not be "fixed" overnight, but you will notice small changes or progress. Do not expect too much too soon when supporting your partner in therapy. Individual therapy sessions can be emotionally draining as they process painful past traumas. Some weeks may bring about significant improvements, and some weeks may feel like setbacks. This is normal.
The amount of time someone spends in individual therapy differs for each person. Rather than focus on the number of weeks or sessions, recognize the positive outcomes occurring.
Seek Information and Support
The truth is everyone can benefit from individual counseling. The stigma surrounding therapy is fading now that people realize it can help reduce life's many stressors. You can attend individual therapy just like your partner.
Even if you do not have a mental health diagnosis, you can learn more about the therapy process and receive reassurance and feedback on how therapy impacts your relationship. You can also learn more about the type of mental health disorder your spouse has, if any, and get great advice on how to show support above what you are already doing, like knowing what to say and what not to say.
Know What to Avoid
When supporting your partner in therapy, avoid saying or doing the wrong things. For example, avoid eye rolls showing you do not agree with your partner's therapist or make them feel like they are an emotional wimp for needing therapy. Avoid making their therapy all about you.
Avoid the cliches like "It will all be okay" or "Everyone feels like this at times." You cannot predict the future and the latter statement is just not true. Words are powerful so avoiding the wrong words is essential. Most importantly, unless you have the exact mental illness, do not claim to understand what your partner is going through.
Instead, respond to your partner by asking them to help you understand. Instead of giving advice, ask them how you can help. Also, avoid being dismissive or ignoring your partner's issues. Do not blame, minimize, or deny their feelings.
To support your partner in therapy, be empathetic and show you care.
Get Involved, with Boundaries
When your partner permits you to be more involved in their healing, do so with boundaries. If they want you to attend therapy with them for a family session, do so, but do not expect to go to every session after that.
If your partner's therapist suggests activities or techniques to implement outside of counseling, eagerly do the assignments with your spouse. Practice your new skills when the time is right rather than creating a schedule every day for practicing.
Supporting your partner in therapy can further empower and boost self-esteem. Communication, intimacy, problem-solving, trust, and relationship-building skills are just a few of the many skills you both can use to strengthen your partnership. The benefits not only enhance your relationship, but also the relationships with extended family and friends. Working with an individual therapist is something you can start today by calling for an appointment. You and your relationships deserves the many benefits.