Whether you will be walking down the aisle in a lavish wedding ceremony or heading to the Justice of the Peace or holding a commitment ceremony, you have found the right way for you to get married.
But what do you really know about the one you love and want to spend the rest of your life with?
Do you know the basics, like how many children you want to share, how you each view religion, and how you will handle the family finances? Digging deeper, do you know the areas within your relationship in which you agree and disagree?
If you disagree on something, do you know how to resolve conflicts constructively? It is topics like these and more that make premarital counseling a resourceful tool before committing.
What Does The Research Show?
According to reports, long-time married couples seek counseling for the following reasons: frequent fighting, intimacy, differing opinions about work-life balance, finances, parenting, and addiction or abusive behaviors.
What if I told you there is a way to reduce the need for counseling after being married for a long time. Premarital counseling and studies show those who engage in it have a 30% higher marital success rate.
These same studies show that having a happy family is a life goal for more than 90% of Americans. If you fall under this group, then premarital counseling could be the answer to helping them achieve this goal.
Let’s take a closer look at the concept of premarital counseling.
What Defines “Premarital”?
The simple definition is that it occurs before marriage. Does this mean two years before marriage or two weeks before?
If you have just met “the one” a few weeks ago and feel on top of the world because everything is going great, this is not the time. You are still in the getting to know each other honeymoon phase. Just the sight of one another boosts the happy chemicals in your brain, making you want more. At this point, it is hard to realize your relationship will ever have problems.
However, you don’t have to wait until the honeymoon phase has been long over, and major disagreements have arrived to learn more about your partner and establish a stronger bond.
Whether it be boundaries, family members butting in, or work schedules, some things are making it hard for you to commit. Whether you decide to commit and get engaged, you are at a point where you know your love and the strengths of the relationship outweigh the limitations.
If you cannot see yourself living without this person, even though they can sometimes get on your nerves, this is the time to seek premarital counseling.
Premarital counseling is a process that can strengthen your post-marital relationship. No relationship is immune to conflict. With premarital counseling, you learn to overcome difficulties as a team.
What is The Purpose of Pre-Marital Counseling?
Premarital counseling aims to help you and your future spouse get on the same page with the most important relationship issues, like having children, parenting styles, handling finances, and discovering your life goals- what you want and need out of life to be happy.
Because positive communication skills between a couple are crucial for relationship success, you can learn them during premarital counseling.
Just like not every person is right for you, not every counseling technique will be right for you either.
Specific Goals of Premarital Counseling
You cannot move into the future until you have brought closure to past issues. That is why one of the main goals of premarital counseling is to deal with problems you have had in the past, so they do not appear again in your future. For example, if one of you betrayed the other's trust, you must learn how to wipe the slate clean and forgive, so the betrayal does not divide your relationship after you are married.
If you prefer religious-based counseling, you can choose to work with your church leader of the church you plan to attend. If you and your partner are not of the same religion and this is one of your most fought over issues, you need to see a family therapist who can also involve pastors and priests into the treatment plan as needed.
Other options include apps developed for premarital counseling, books, attorneys who can provide information on legal aspects of marriage, and financial experts. They can give you the low down on the role money plays in relationships.
The best place to start is by contacting a certified marriage and family therapist online. Together, you can develop a treatment plan that you can implement at any time. Premarital counseling is a preparation tool that increases your odds of relationship success.