Over 17 million American adults struggle with depression, and close to 2 million children and adolescents have a depression diagnosis. There are likely numerous unreported cases of depression in people who have yet to be diagnosed. If there are millions of people with depression, that means there are triple the number of friends and family members who want to support their loved one who is diagnosed with depression.
Research shows social support is a protective factor for someone with a mental illness. Making connections socially improves physical and mental health, coping skills, managing stress, decision-making, and much more.
Sometimes it can be challenging to know what to say to someone battling depression. Below are suggestions to help you communicate your care and willingness to support them while battling depression.
Use Nonverbal Communication
Sometimes you cannot find the right words to comfort someone or offer help, and that is okay. Your nonverbal communication can say it for you. There are various forms of nonverbal communication, including facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, touch, body language, and even what you wear.
If you do not know what to say, express yourself with a sympathetic smile, a hug, touching your hand to their hand, or just sitting quietly with them. Often being present to listen without offering advice is a soothing form of nonverbal communication.
When using nonverbal communication, you must respect boundaries, and priority must be on not doing anything that makes them uncomfortable.
Make Yourself Available
When you want to talk to a friend struggling with depression it may not be when they feel like talking. Do not try to force them into a conversation. Instead, let them know you are available to speak when they are ready. If they become ready in the middle of the night or on your lunch break from work, be there.
Because one of the main symptoms of depression is isolation or withdrawal from friends and family, making yourself available is crucial.
Reach Out Often
Even if you are not getting the response you want, continue to reach out to a person who has depression. There are many ways to reach out, including:
Hand-written letters or cards
Phone calls
Text messages
Emails
In-person
It is important to remind them that you care and want to help. Even saying those words, “I care and want to help,” can make a big difference.
Suggest Ways You Can Help
Someone facing depression does not have a clear mind. It is hard for them to focus and concentrate, much less develop a list of ways you can help them during this challenging time. Instead, pose questions that offer specific practices to help someone with depression. For example, ask them, “Can I pick up some groceries for you when I go to the grocery store?” or “Can I drive you to an appointment?”
They are battling depression, but their life has not stopped moving forward. They still have responsibilities. Suggest ways to help them meet their obligations without them becoming dependent on your help.
Share Your Story of Depression
Anyone diagnosed with a mental illness should know they are not alone. Many other people, even ones close to them, also have been diagnosed with a mental illness. If you have been diagnosed with depression, share your story without making it all about you. Let them know you can relate to what they are going through and express how you got help.
If you have not struggled with depression or been diagnosed with depression but know someone who does, share how they got help and how they are maintaining a mental health recovery. Your goal is to offer hope to someone who feels hopeless.
Explain Depressive Disorder
Many people diagnosed with depression feel as if they have done something wrong, they are weak, or they are broken. They may not understand depression is a disorder due to an abnormality in how neurotransmitters are released in the brain. With depression, your brain is likely not producing enough Serotonin, a neurotransmitter responsible for positive mood.
It is not their fault they are struggling with depression. In fact, there is a genetic component involved with depression. If there is a history of mental illness among their relatives, they have a higher chance of experiencing mental illness.
Know What Not to Say
If you struggle with what to say to someone who is depressed, sometimes it may be best not to say anything. Trying to avoid silence or trying too hard to say the right things can lead to saying inappropriate and unintentional harmful statements.
Here are some things to avoid saying to someone who is depressed:
Do not give advice when it is not requested
Do not remind them of all the things for which they should be thankful
Do not suggest they have nothing to be sad about
Do not promise them everything will work out and be okay
Do not offer solutions like stopping drinking caffeine, changing their diet, or exercising more
Do not remind them other people have worse problems
Do not use statements like, “suck it up,” “snap out of it,” or “get over it”
Know the Signs of Suicide
Externally, a person diagnosed with depression may appear sad but okay. Internally, they may be preparing to take their own life. It is critical you know thesigns of suicideso you can intervene if possible. Having on hand the suicide hotline number for your loved one to speak to someone is a helpful resource.
The National Suicide Hotline number is:1-800-273-8255
What a person diagnosed with depression says can give you great insight. If you hear comments such as “I am a burden,” “hopeless,” “feeling trapped,” or “no reason to live.” Some people may even share they have thoughts or a suicide plan.
If someone has previously attempted suicide, gives away their valuable items, searches online for ways to commit suicide, and writes letters or make calls to say goodbye these are sure signs of being suicidal and when devising a plan with a means requires intervention and hospitalization to keep your loved one in pain safe from themself.
Find an Individual Therapist
Keep in mind you do not have to try and save someone who is depressed all by yourself. Not only can a person diagnosed with depression seek help from a therapist, but you also can seek help.
Working with a therapist, you can learn more about what to say to someone who is diagnosed depressed. You can even attend a counseling session with them to show your support. With the right treatment, you can support your friend or loved one to overcome depression.